Politically Incorrect Tendencies

That Song You Listen To

2010-09-28T02:06:00.004+05:30

People listen to music for a variety of reasons. In my opinion, the most common reason is to get away from something. This is a more of a broad reason, and can have many interpretations. So what people generally listen to are songs with deep meanings, that may be intensely melodic, or whatever; and this somehow stimulates them into a pleasing form of catharsis. Everyone has a favourite song that 'takes them to a special place'. This post is about such songs, and what my 'song that takes me to that place' is.

Before i tell you what my 'song that takes me to that place' is, allow me to explore what i think people look for in such songs. I want to explore the kinds of songs that people's 'songs that take them to that place' are. I think people like songs with a catchy hook or beat; or maybe deep lyrics; or maybe well syncopated lyrics. Stuff along such lines is what forms the basic characteristics of these kind of songs. The point i'm trying to make is: these songs will never be songs with stupid/pointless/punk themes. Noone's favourite song can be a frivolous one. It has to be something deeper than that. Sure, funny/comedic songs are nice to listen to when you're in a light mood. But when you're tired of the world; and you want to get away and listen to something familiar; something that 'takes you to a different zone'; it won't be a song about penises or how person W wants to castrate person N.

Just before i wrote this, i'd read an intense post written by a friend of mine about the unfairness of the Indian justice system and how it's directly affecting him and his family. So basically, i'm not in a light mood. I'd put my speakers on, and i was contemplating what music to play. Nothing immediately came to mind, so I chose to play this song.

I strongly recommend that you listen to the song before you continue. It'll give you a better understanding of what i mean.

If you don't want to listen to the song, then allow me to tell you about it. The song's mostly in French. And pretty much nonsensical. Translated, it makes no sense. I mean, it makes sense lyrically, and you get the story of the song. The question that comes to mind after hearing the song is: "What is the point of this?". You may like this song, but could it ever be 'that song you listen to zone out and exit the world'?

Well, it is for me. At this moment, anyway. What does this tell you about me? You tell me.

PS: Flight Of The Conchords - Foux Du Fafa; Blur - Tender.

Fetymology

2010-09-15T21:43:00.007+05:30

Note: Foul language used. Foul thought patterns employed.

Today, children, we shall study languages. Of course, we will study it Pitendencies style! Cut to this music. Anyway, i am here to educate two kinds of people today:

1. Indians who aren't too familiar with hindi.

2. Indians who are familiar with hindi but do not know what i'm about to tell them.

3. People who aren't Indians, or struggle to come to terms with what the word 'Hindi' means. It's a language, you fucks. Indians don't speak Indian. Much like the Chinese don't speak Chinese, and the Russians Russian (Intentional). I hate racism or stereotypes. *Sincere face*.

Okay, 3 kinds of people.

Anyway, here goes:

In Hindi, there exists a simple saying that goes like:

"Iski to Maa Behen ho gayee".

It is basically the Hindi equivalent of "This is fucked", or "It's a gone case". You get the idea. Anyway, interpreted directly, the saying means this: "The mother has become the sister".

The Etymology:

There exists this prevalent attitude within Indians to judge all that is not their culture. Any deviation from the prevalent Indian culture at the time will be looked down upon. And Indians don't just look down on things. They snort with disgust and ensure that the aforementioned snot finds its way to the source of the disgust. After which they shall spit on the same source, and bitch about the topic at every tea party for the rest of their lives. Anyway, the story behind the source of the saying is as follows:

There lived a fair-skin-toned Iranian family in the interiors of Gujurat. As we all know, the Iranians came down to India and settled here, eventually becoming what we currently know as Parsis. As you may or may not know, the Parsis are staunchly ethnocentric. What i think this means is that they believe in their own community. That's putting it mildly. Parsis do not marry outside their community. And when the community is so small, some distant cousins are bound to end up married. Distant soon became close. And close soon became 'brother', but moving on. This Iranian family in Gujarat branched out over the generations, until they had about 3 families living in the village. Let's call them family A, B and C; all blood related. The daughter of family A was about the same age as the son of family B. They had been friends since childhood, and the Iranian parents were happy, encouraging them to grow closer. Sure enough, these two got married, and the marriage was celebrated in much fanfare in the village-on-interiors-of-Gujarat. Until, of course the villagers found out that, due to some bizarre misunderstanding, the couple were actually aunt and nephew. So the son married his aunt, thereby making his own mother his sister-in-law. Hence, his mother had become his sister. "Iski to maa behen ho gayi". This was unacceptable.

And thus the phrase was invented. The end.

PS: False Etymology, in case you didn't get that. Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree; Pain of Salvation - Sleeping with the stars; Avial - Aadu Pambe.

Hypocrisy

2010-08-11T21:35:00.004+05:30

You have two options right now, as you read this post. You can

1. Skip the next 4 paragraphs and proceed directly to the short story, or

2. Read the preface of sorts and then read the story.

I do this only for them who like to read and then form opinions, as opposed to those who don't mind forming an early opinion.

Good evening, girls and gents. Today, uncle Loy will take you through another one of his compositions (Short Story). This time around, you will read about a protagonist called 'Doctor Amus'. Before you get into the story, however, a few details need to told to understand Doctor Amus. Doctor Amus is many things, and here are a few superficial aspects of what humans understand as his 'personality':

1. He resides in Mumbai.

2. He is a Hippopotamus.

3. He is not a qualified doctor in any field defined by humans.

But that only gives you a superficial sort of idea of the character that is 'Doctor Amus'. What you need to understand about Doctor Amus is that he is the living persona of a contradiction, as are all of his kind. Doctor Amus is special in that he strives to achieve that perfect balance of contradiction. He lives and breathes a complete contradiction, and this is his only philosophy-To engage in any activity, say activity A; and to then engage in any other activity, say activity B; such that activity A and B contradict each other.

Now that you've drawn a mental picture of Doctor Amus, you can proceed directly to The Story:

Doctor Amus was lonely. It was the middle of the day, the sun was at it's peak, and he'd been awake for 6 hours now. His girlfriend had just ditched him, and he was all alone on his terrace. In his pocket, lied 3 unused condoms, and it looked like they weren't about to be used any time soon. In a fit of anger and frustration, Doc A threw those condoms away.

Doc A decided that this would not do. No. He decided that he would allow himself ONE grieving period, after which he would pick his life up, and let nothing faze him. But to reach this, he need ONE decent grieving period. To achieve this objective, Doc H set out in the direction of Colaba. He had heard that vendors do infact sell in Colaba, what is known to humans as 'Cannabis', or 'Marijuana', or 'Weed', or 'Herb', or 'Charas', or 'Hashish', or 'Pot', or 'Ganja', or 'Crazy ass shit that takes you high but allows you function even though you aren't really all that crisp'. This was his trip. This was his grief. He decided that he would wallow in his pity that day, and from then on, he would move on. Just like that. However, this is when the complications arose. He went to Colaba, but all he saw were tourists and christians. Not one peddlar came up to him and offered to sell, because let's face it, which vendor in his right mind would go and pitch weed to a hippopotamus? Even if one of the aliases of the said substance happened to be a part of the animals name? So basically, Doc A spent the entire afternoon searching and searching for some of that illegal substance, to no avail. He asked hundreds of people, shamed scores of aunties, and educated dozens of children, but got none of the substance. Disheartened and dejected, he gave up. Clearly, the universe did not want Doctor Amus to experience grief just yet.

Finally, Doc A decided that this was it. Grief or no grief, he was moving on. He was too laid back for his own good, and NOW was the time for change. He went up to his terrace for a breath of fresh air, and who should he run into there, but his girlfriend who ditched him this very afternoon. They both stood still for a moment, eyes locked into each other. The wind blew as incessantly as ever, and the evening sun glistened peacefully and sleepily. They ran at each other, hugged, and everything was good again for Doctor Amus.

Except for one small detail. In his earlier frustration, Doctor Amus had thrown away the condoms that he felt he wouldn't need for a while. Now, however, he faced a predicament. He had no condoms, and he really wanted the make up sex. For there is no sex like make up sex. The only option was to go and buy more condoms.

At this point of time in the story, i choose to tell you, the reader, a little fact about chemists. The busiest time of a chemists shop is in the evening, around dusk. About an hour before and after the setting of the sun. Now that you know that, you should also know that Colaba is at it's busiest in the afternoon. After lunch and before the sun gets that orange tint. So basically, if you want to purchase the aforementioned illegal substances, the busiest time of the day is hardly the time you want to go. Also, if you wish to purchase a condom from a chemist, the busiest time of the day for the chemist is hardly the time you should choose to buy the same if you wish to avoid judgment or embarrasment.

Anyway, if you remember correctly, Doctor Amus had decided to forego his sense of embarrasment in the afternoon. He tried to purchase the illegal substance when Colaba was at it's most crowded. Now, however, Doc A is faced with the dilemna of buying condoms at the chemists' peak hour. Will he nut up and shed all semblance of embarrasment?

No. He had shed all semblance of embarrasment in the afternoon, and the motto of Doctor Amus dictates that two activites must contradict each other. So, he refuses to go and buy condoms because of the resulting embarrasment; thereby achieving his goal of contradiction. Humans choose to call this 'Hypocrisy'.

So finally, at the end of the story, what we're left with is this:

Doctor Amus is a Pot smoking, hypocriticial hippopotamus. He is a Hippo (Hypocrite) - Pot (Marijuana) - Amus (His name).

Thank You.

PS: Eels - Flyswatter; Arctic Monkeys - Cigarette Smoker Fiona; Athlete - Tokyo; Pain Of Salvation - No Way.

An Incomplete Story That Also Happens To Be Non-Fiction

2010-06-19T18:23:00.007+05:30

Before i begin to tell you about how i'd like to begin my post, i'd like to take a minute of your time. You've all heard this name before: 'Sean'. It's pronounced like so: 'Shaun'. I'd like you, the reader, to repeat this name thrice to yourself. After you have done this, proceed to the next line. PROCEED ONLY AFTER OBEYING THE SAID INSTRUCTIONS.

Good, now the name 'Sean' has entered your subconscious. Remember, if at any point of time in your life, you feel the urge to have sex with, or even just kiss anyone called 'Sean', act upon it. You won't be sorry. Thank you for your minute, and back to the post you go:

I'd like to begin this post by telling you that i will first take a bit of your time and relate a certain incident that happened to me yesterday. After the incident and the analysis of the incident, i will take a bit more of your time. But let's not get into that. Anyway.

The Incident

Yesterday morning, i woke up with a heavy head and an even heavier heart. On my agenda for the day were 2 dreaded plans:

Plan 1: I had to go back to my college to talk to my professor and sort my final years marksheet issue (Another story for another time). This would be at around 11am, and i expected it to go on till about 1pm at the latest.

Plan 2: I had to go to a friends place halfway across the city to pick something up; which meant i'd have to avail of certain facilities that i'd rather not avail of-rickshaws, taxis and trains. This was scheduled to be immediately after Plan 1.

Of course, being the prat that i am, i procrastinated and ended up being at college at precisely 1.30pm. I finished my stupid meeting, and set out to catch a train to the friends place. I got into the train, sat for about 25 minutes, and then got off at my desired destination. From that station, i proceeded towards the queue for the rickshaws. Unfortunately, there were no rickshaws. So after waiting for about 20 minutes, i decided to walk. Halfway to my friends house, i managed to get a rickshaw. I reached in 5 minutes and stayed for another 45; after which i set off on my return journey. At this point, let me tell you that it was now raining heavily, and i was sure i'd face the same rickshaw problem. Sure enough, i did. After waiting for 15 minutes, i spotted this lonely modern cab. In Mumbai, there are 2 distinct kinds (more like, varieties) of cabs:

a) The traditional Premier Padminis, or the Fiats, as they are lovingly called. These form an overwhelming majority of the cab population of my city.

b) The comparatively modern cabs, which are faster, more sleek, more cost efficient as a result of being more fuel efficient and the drivers aren't that cranky. As you've already guessed by now, the ratio of modern cabs to Fiats is similar to the ratio of the followers of the Baha'i faith to followers of other faiths in India.

Because of that fact, modern cabs are much more identifiable. So therefore, if you leave your cell phone in one and realize only a few short minutes after it happened, chances are that you'll find the same cab in the same spot, the driver waiting for you with your cell phone in his hand and a smile upon his face. Not true.

Yes, that's how i choose to end that story.

PS: Pain Of Salvation - Marticus Nauticus II; John Scofield - Hottentot; Avial - Aadu Pambe; Mute Math - Chaos. Just in case you were wondering what the point of the first two paragraphs were, remember this: 'Sean'.

The Invention Of Clapping

2010-06-05T15:07:00.006+05:30

A very happy yo to all. Apparently, i've passed my board exams. The following paragraph will explain the previous statement.

The Situation: My results first came out online on the infernal Mumbai University website. They call it 'results', but the only thing that you can find out is whether you passed or failed. Some people like to crib about this, and others thank God for this. Anyhow, to access your 'result', you have to enter the seat number the university assigned to you. Predictably, i lost my hall ticket, which had my seat number on it. For reasons unknown, i could not recollect my seat number; and i was thus stuck. I did not know whether i had passed or failed. The next day, i had a show in a nearby city, and thus, i couldn't go to my college and figure things out. However, in the night, i get a call from my roommate, and he tells me i've passed. That is all.

I will admit that i did not start this post to tell you about how i don't really know if i've passed or failed. I like to take tangents and see where they take me. Sometimes when i rap, i lose confidence. The next paragraph will tell you what the original point of this post was.

On my desktop, i have a folder that says "Shite". This is a very broad term, and all sorts of stuff that i've written lies in this folder, most of it incomplete. Anyway, here is some of it. Before you read it, know that i've not edited it.

This is my attempt at theatre. My incomplete attempt, i may add. I'll finish it later and post the entire story in a later post.

The Invention Of Clapping - Documentary

Intro & Outro Narrator

Jonah Bitrae Naem (JBN)

V/O: Intro & Outro Narrator

Our (pause and with heavy sarcasm) "narrator" today will be Jonah Bitrae Naem, from Sweden. The voice you're hearing now is that of an actual narrator. Apart from being a famed fictional historian (or a fictorian), he is also an avid Jon Arne Riise fan. His credentials are irrelevant, as his field demands escape from traditional norms and truths. He shot to fame in 2000 after writing and creating an ancient Indian myth - The Sabudana Paradox. Now, the (sarcastic) "narrator" will take over. GOD, i hate that------ (cut).

Video

Images and videos of JBN doing various activities.

V/O: JBN

Thanks very much, Narr. Never a pleasure. (Pause while he turns to camera) Hi. It is the natural tendency of humans to treat everything with a pinch of salt. It is only natural to treat revolutionary fields like fictional history or e-sandalwood harvesting with a high degree of scepticism. I don't expect you to believe in what i do or approve of it, and if you're already aggravated, i suggest you stop this right now. This doesn't apply to you, mom. (Pause + Laughter Track) Anyway, if your curiosity is sufficiently piqued, i will proceed to explain to you what i do for a living.

Do you remember this? (Cut to scene of "It is the natural tendency of humans to treat everything with a pinch of salt") The beauty is that, although that statement makes sense, i have absolutely no method of verifying that statement. I state what i think is a fact, and that is all. In my field, if there has to be a God, he/she would be common sense. A creative application of common sense is what seperates the cream of fictorians from the rest

Painful but fun. I enoyed it.

PS: The Chicken - The Dave Weckl Band; Dave Matthews Band - You & Me; Cake - Excuse Me, I Think I've Got A Heartache.

Unwanted Opinions Anonymous

2010-05-18T15:05:00.005+05:30

**I may add, before you read this, that i repeatedly use words that, in India are called "Them Four Letter Words" in this post. Just a warning. To put it bluntly, i use certain expressions in the English language that are used in slang and refer to extremely sexual or dirty things but are actually used either to convey disgust, as expressions of catharsis or for point-emphasis. I apologize for this if you are put off by it. But please bear with me.

I am affected by opinions, be it for movies, music or even people. Sometimes, i call it peer pressure; sometimes i call it bandwagon humping tendencies; but the point is that as much as i hate it, i'm affected by what others think. Opinions make a difference. Just to clear the air, i'm not looking at this in a i-hate-when-people-hate-me sort of way but in a i-hate-when-people-tell-me-a-movie-sucks-when-it-actually-doesn't sort of way. In my opinion, anyway.

Allow me to posit a scenario:

Your friends are chilling together, and they call you to chill with 'em. You go wherever they are, and basically just sit back and relax with them. In this state of 'chilling out' or 'relaxing', several topics of discussion float around, such as women, sports, movies, friends etc. Suddenly, you go: "Dude, have you seen 'Trainspotting'? I'm dying to see it. I saw a bit and it looks insane!". Picture this: they all start laughing and say stuff like: "Fuck yourself, idiot", or "It sucks, idiot", or even "I hate blackcurrant ice cream. Mmmmmmmm." What emotions do you think you'll experience?

For starters, you won't finish the movie. Even if you do, it's ruined. Fucking opinion pushers. I liked 'The Love Guru', and a huge fucking middle finger to whoever didn't.

One cannot avoid opinions. Personally, i'd go crazy if everyone suddenly stopped putting their opinions forth and became very politically correct. The slang for politically correct is PC. Like the magician. Hyperlink! However, i hate vehement bad opinions. They put me off. Sometimes, i hate vehement good opinions as well, but it's the bad ones i detest. Anything in excess is bad. People who attach a lot of emotion with their opinions are unacceptable. People who stress and emphasise every point in the opinion are, unacceptable. Has your friend ever told you a snippet from a movie you haven't seen either to:

a) Get you to watch it, or

b) To make you think of the movie in a favourable light, or

c) To make you think of the friend in a favourable light.

It's time for a true story! Here goes it:

One day, my friend Karun just happened to be sleeping. He does sleep a lot, but he is, after all: Lazy Man (with his trusty sidekick: Lazy Boy). Anyway, because of his slumber, we were forced to go the movies without him. There, we saw "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". Now, as you may or may not know, the movie is shite. Comic lovers especially hated it for reasons that i refuse to get into. Personally, i loved the movie, but after hearing everything everyone else had to say, i kept this piece of information to myself. Moving on, everyone told my friend Karun that the movie sucked. For those who can't understand terminology usage or are from the past or the future, 'sucked' is a bad thing. Do not misinterpret this for your generation. Therefore, because of us, Karun did not have high expectations when he finally got down to seeing the movie; and because of this, he loved it. This is a perfect example of what i'm trying to say. Almost too perfect. But that's how life is. Seemingly too perfect.

PS: I like self referencing. It's why i love 30 Rock: see Season 1, Episode 5: Jack-Tor. I also like Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys; Dreaming Of You - The Coral and Friend Is A Four Letter Word - Cake.

Comfort Eagle

2010-05-05T15:17:00.004+05:30

We are building a religion

We are building it bigger

We are widening the corridors

And adding more lanes

We are building a religion

A limited edition

We are now accepting callers

For these pendant key chains

To resist it is useless

It is useless to resist it

His cigarette is burning

But he never seems to ash

He is grooming his poodle

He is living comfort eagle

You can meet at his location

But you'd better come with cash

Now his hat is on backwards

He can show you his tattoos

He is in the music business

He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now today is tomorrow

And tomorrow today

And yesterday is weaving in and out

And the fluffy white lines

That the airplane leaves behind

Are drifting right in front

Of the waning of the moon

He is handling the money

He's serving the food

He knows about your party

He is calling you "DUDE!"

Now do you believe

In the one big sign

The doublewide shine

On the bootheels of your prime

Doesn't matter if you're skinny

Doesn't matter if you're fat

You can dress up like a sultan

In your onion head hat

We are building a religion

We are making a brand

We're the only ones to turn to

When your castles turn to sand

Take a bite of this apple

Mr. corporate events

Take a walk through the jungle

Of cardboard shanties and tents

Some people drink Pepsi

Some people drink Coke

The wacky morning DJ

Says democracy's a joke

He says now do you believe

In the one big song

He's now accepting callers

Who would like to sing along

He says, do you believe

In the one true edge

By fastening your safety belts

And stepping towards the ledge

He is handling the money

He is serving the food

He is now accepting callers

He is calling me "DUDE!"

Do you believe

In the one big sign

The doublewide shine

On the bootheels of your prime

There's no need to ask directions

If you ever lose your mind

We're behind you

And let us please remind you

We can send a car to find you

If you ever lose your way

We are building a religion

We are building it bigger

We are building

A religion

A limited

Edition

We are now accepting callers...

For these beautiful...

Pendant keychains

Cake - Comfort Eagle

Sometimes, merely recommending a song isn't good enough. You may never listen to this song , but you will realize that it is purely the song's magnificence that is forcing me to commit such blasphemy. Please have a listen.

I could end the post here, and leave you to enjoy the music. If you are listening to the song, then please stop reading. If not, read on. Of course, i can't really control what you read, and keeping this in mind, i continue to type out my thoughts. Logic doesn't have to be logical.

I've started listening to Cake, and i can't seem to get enough of them. For me, this song (Comfort Eagle) shows Cake at their finest. I like to look at music and imagine what the song looks like. This is an extremely psychedelic experience, and i'll try to explain. Don't expect much, i'm not very articulate.

Imagine a song starts off with a guitar riff. After a few cycles, the percussion kicks in along with the bass. Now, the guitar, bass and percussion instruments lock together, and this forms the backbone of the song. Over and above these instruments come firstly, the vocals. To highlight differences in the different vocal lines of the song, other instruments sometimes play leading melodies or counter melodies, where the aim is to basically add layers to the music and reduce monotony. At the highest point of the song, there are a lot of layers on top of the basic backbone of guitar, bass and percussion. The layers can be backup vocals; lead vocals; keyboard & synth usage; flute/saxophone/trumpet etc; lead guitar parts; extra percussion; basically anything that deviates from the backbone of the song. The song rises up to a crescendo, and then again drops a notch. The entire cycle starts again, with minute differences, and the song ends on a soft note.

To me, this is what Cake's music is like, and the feeling is indeed awesome. You know a song is good when it gives you goosebumps.

Chuck Pahlianuk's Influence

2010-04-12T21:11:00.004+05:30

I think people are more influenced by things that they see and read than they are aware of. Every creative spurt that i go on always seems to stem from some vaguely inspirational theme-musical or written. I proceed on tangents, and think bright. When my mind doesn't ache from thinking, i know i'm thinking well. Every time i try to steel myself to think creatively or try to enforce creativity, i'm just not good enough.

Anyway, this surprise is a result of some serious Chuck Palahniuk reading. I've never been able to start the one book of his that i have, but i think that's now changed. I like how he takes themes and portrays them via situations that make the reader initially uncomfortable, but later on, grudgingly accepting. This submission on the part of the reader takes him/her into tangents that truly explore what Palahniuk wants to say. Anyway, this little thing that i'm about to try is inspired by Maithli Desai's blog. For all those who don't know who Maithli Desai is-she's my classmate at Wilson college.

A little bit about Maithli Desai: characters like her interest me. More often than not, i can tell what drives people, and generally predict their motives. Generally, this leads me onto a trail of cynicism, dislike and scepticism. I see characters who function on simpler wavelengths and who don't have to deal with a lot of stuff purely because of their background, upbringing and parents' character types. Maithli Desai comes from an old fashioned Maharashtrian family based in Lonavla. It is highly likely that she will never come across the types of situations explored in Fight Club, or In Bruges. It'd be interesting to know what she would do in these scenarios. Moving on.

I'm talking to myself here. For the sake of making the narration more linear, i use 1 & 2. This is a Gonzo thing. Or at least it's what i perceive as Gonzo.

1: You need to study right now.

2: No, i don't. I've managed all 4 exams with minimal studying, and i'm pretty confident i'll do average at the very least; which isn't a bad thing. I don't need good marks to continue studying.

1: I get that, but tomorrows paper is Direct Marketing, where no one can give you the kind of pointers that helped you in the earlier exams. You're going to have to read it all and do pointers for 'em all. The portion is huge and the answers are simple.

2: No, you don't know this as a fact. These are assumptions that you're making because of what people have told you about the paper. I haven't read the portion, but i'm sure that if i do, i'll find it exceedingly simple and pointless. I'm pretty sure 2 hours of studying will sort me out for this paper. Everything i do eventually works itself out, and i'm sure this will as well. I know i'll put in a bit of effort, and i know it'll be enough to get me through this paper. It'll be like clockwork, much like the 4 earlier papers that i've written. I may not be even-stevens Jerry Seinfeld, but what if i am?

1: You are impossible. Your overconfidence is going to be the end of you someday. What happens when, say, 20 years down the line, your brain isn't what it is now (because of what you do in your own compound); and you can no longer do this last minute routine and get away with stuff? It is then that you will learn to study like the rest of the people. It is then that you will pay for the fact that you take your own brain for granted.

2: I'll cross that hurdle when i come to it. I've never really functioned like that, and you know it. I will take into account my current scenario and work to use the same to achieve my goals. If my brain works well and i don't need to study much, why should i? God forbid if, later on, my brain doesn't work as well, and i do need to study more, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just study more then. It might be painful, and with luck, i'll avoid this pain throughout my lifetime; but if i don't, then i'll feel the pain when i have to. Right now, i simply don't have to.

1: The pain will be lesser then if you allow yourself to feel it right now. By then, you'll be acquainted with functioning painfully, and therefore the pain will be routine. Routine pain really isn't pain. I don't mean 'Hostel' routine, i mean jogging routine.

2: YOU are incorrigible, idiot. I see two paths ahead of me:

a) Path 1: I won't slog now, i won't study much now. I'll study as much as i need to, i'll get my average to good marks and then i'll continue living my life. Later on, because my brain won't be the same, if i have to study my ass off to be average, i will do so. In this path, i don't slog till i need to. So i experience pleasure now till i simply cannot; after which it'll be one thing at a time.

b) Path 2: I do slog now, so that i get used to slogging. Thus, eventually when my brain does deteriorate, the routine of slogging is just normal, and it won't be so painful then. In this path, i'll experience higher pain at every level throughout; as opposed to the chill-till-simply-can't-afford-to routine in Path 1.

I'm stopping myself now. Self flagellation is painful.

PS: Jackon 5 - ABC; Lupe Fiasco - Solar Midnite.

Also, i'm sorry about the first statement. No matter how hard i try, i cannot seem to make it sound right. Any inputs are welcome.

"It is highly likely that she will never come across the types of situations explored in Fight Club, or In Bruges". What i mean to say is that, at some level, i do come across milder versions of the situations portrayed in these movies. Somehow, i don't think she does.

What i refer to as Gonzo is: stream of consciousness. I write as i think and think as i write.

There's just one reference in the post that i haven't explained, and i cannot bring myself to do it, purely because i'll get into trouble if my family happens to read this someday.

'Hostel' routine is a reference to the movie.

Frustration At Pointless Things

2010-04-04T21:36:00.003+05:30

There are times when i feel happy, light hearted and in a general good mood. You know? The sun is bright but not too bright, the breeze is pleasant but not a gale, it's neither too hot or too cold, and i have not a care in the world. Picture yourself in this same scenario. You've just had a leisurely sleep and you're well rested and slightly groggy. At this point of time, your fortune takes a turn and you read this:

Today, my boyfriend begged me not to break up with him. Not because he loved me, but because losing me would mean losing me as a friend on Facebook, then losing me as a neighbour on Farmville, and thus dropping a skill level. FML
#9330219 (197)
I agree, your life sucks (6951) - you totally deserved it (737)
On 03/23/2010 at 2:46pm - love - by iKaite (woman) - United Kingdom

There are times when i love StumbleUpon and the randomness of the internet, and there are times when i want to do the equivalent of pushing an irod rod up a raging bulls behind to the computer. These aren't necessarily related, but the point is that sometimes, things frustrate you. If you feel bad when something really bad happens to you and you're frustrated, imagine how much worse you'll feel if something trivial frustrates you.

http://www.fmylife.com/

Because some things just don't have an explanation.

The Return Part II & The Humour Of Andrei Arshavin

2010-03-24T13:58:00.001+05:30

The Website In Question

I'll first deal with the Return. I haven't had any drive to do a post, and i had also forgotten the rush that comes along with a post. I think i should start being more regular now. Forgive the initial grammar lapses, they should go soon. With luck, i'll be a regular blogger again. I had to put this before the main post.

Incidentally, this is the first post in which i've copied my facebook note onto my blog. So sorry about that as well, but i've adapted it to the blog ka format. So it should work out.

You know, i've always wondered whether sports celebrities are funny people. Think about it, an actor or a model or that kind of celebrity would either have started off as a cool person; or become cool because of the constant contact with cool people. Sportsmen/women recieve as much if not more admiration from fans; so are they, in fact cool; or are they just glorified lame ass pansies? You may never know.

However, in some cases, it is exceedingly obvious. Have a look at this:

http://arshavin.eu

That's the official website for Andrei Arshavin. Havitty a lookie, and getta backie.

(continue reading this after you've been through the website. You have to go to the link given above. If you can't use that, then just type out "Andrei Arshavin official website" on google and go to his official website. NOT his wiki page, you idiots!)

Now, there are two possibilities that i see. He is either a fucking bored idiot with a bit too much money, and over enthusiastic marketing amateurs; or a fucking genius. His answers to all the questions that fans ask him are so cleverly answered that you can never tell whether he's being genuinely stupid or he's fucking with the fans. Respect, Andrei.

A few instances:

Dear AA, having read your answers I’ve got the impression (perhaps I’m wrong) that you are bored of life!
Sincerely, Africa
Arshavin: I find life interesting.

Andrey, why do you wear those long shorts? You do not like the former style?
Short shorts made the slender legs more visible. Or maybe footballers’ figures became worse and they’ve developed a lot of complexes? And why do you shave you legs?
Arshavin: I don’t shave my legs. As for the uniform, we wear what we are given.

Andrey, do you need apples? We’ve harvested a lot of them this year!
My friends also have a lot of apples and they don’t take mine. But they are so tasty and sweet, especially “white juice”. It is a pity that they’ll go bad...
Arshavin: I love apples, but on the other hand, I think there are many other deserving people who will accept your apples.

From natalina
Are you lucky with your mother-in-law?
Arshavin: I think, yes.

Hi Andrey, I bet nobody has ever asked you this and nobody ever will, I’m sure: what color is your bath sponge?
Arshavin: Blue.

I rest my case.

PS: It does, indeed feel good. But i don't think i'd have been able to do it directly here. So in a way, it's a good thing that the facebook medium thing happened. Also, Cake - Commissioning a Symphony In C; Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps; Frank Sinatra; World Of Two. I can go on.

Grandparents Anonymous

2010-01-07T17:31:00.006+05:30

**I've added this at the end of the post. Just a small pointer-I probably don't mean what i say in this post. Enjoy anyway!

I hate old women. I don't know if it's compulsive hatred or an offshoot of some longforgotten childhood trauma; but i hate old women. To be completely honest, i hate MOST old women. Of course, by most, i mean 99% of old women. I see them on the roads, in restaurants, in bazaars and other such old women-ey places; and they keep reinforcing the 'somewhat irrational' hatred. This 'irrational' hatred is entirely superficial, but let that not take away from it's magnitude.

What their body language says (why i hate them):

Their body language is slow. They walk and function slowly not due to old age or tiredness, but with evil intent. Their aim is to show that the world moves according to them. They look like they've lived a hard life and hence expect respect. They give off that no-fucking-nonsense look; and always expect things to go their way-just because they're old. Lastly, and most importantly, they always look pissed off or tired. It is this that pisses me off the most, although i don't discount any of the other factors.

I now feel no need to justify myself further to you; so i move on to the point of this post.

Grandparents-one of the biggest pitendencies that people have.

Grandparents always feel the need to pass on advice. The relevance of the advice is of no consequence; it just acts as tonic to their well fed ego. It plays a self-glorifying role rather than a useful one. They've lived their life to a ripe old age, and they have hence earned the right to pass on advice. I find this revolting.

One can see this in popular culture. The couple will talk about how the mother-in-law is always asking about the price of everything; or about how she is always so critical about the living environment; or about the father-in-law will always want to know where he's invested the stock so that he can show his dissent or approval. This will always be behind their in-laws' back. At a superficial level, everything will seem fine. I hate this.

I'm struggling to find words that can describe how i feel about this 'deserved' discrimination. If an old person is pissing you off, you should be able to tell them the same way you would to any other person. God!

PS: John Scofield - Piety Street. The full album is fucking insane; although it is a bit Gospel lyrically. It's blues gospel, man; so you'll enjoy it either way.

It Could Get Worse

2009-12-25T16:21:00.004+05:30

Today, i went to see a hindi movie. Let's examine that statement for a while. What could possibly prompt me, a serial hindi movie hater to put himself through 3 hours of pain? Here are some scenarios that are plausible. No prizes for guessing which ones aren't.

1. He (being me) was dragged along by friends/girlfriend/boyfriend/family. We all know that his friends don't watch hindi movies, at least not the ones who drag him to movies anyway. We know for sure that he isn't in what is termed as a relationship, with either sex (and yes, he does specialize in self-cans). However, we do know that, just as James Cameron decided that his next project would be based on the work of David Firth, his folks from outta town are in town. So maybe they dragged him along in an effort to include him in some family outing.

2. He saw a trailer of the hindi movie and enjoyed it immensely. This hence justifies his need to watch the movie. It however, does not justify his so called heterosexual stance.

3. He was eating food whilst inebriated, and you can't really blame anyone for being inebriated. The obvious argument is that he doesn't do any inebriating devices, and that one can't just throw food in there because he likes food. But then, what is obvious these days?

4. He was wandering aimlessly with an eye patch over his good eye and ended up in Sterling instead of the vasectomy clinic he was looking for. Get it? Comment if you don't; and yes it actually does mean something.

5. He mistook the hindi movie for the newly released 'Avataar'.

6. He went for a hindi screening of 'Avataar'.

7. Avataar.

Anyway, before i got sidetracked a bit there, i was talking about the hindi movie i went for. Now, i categorize my thoughts:

My Expectations:

I went to the movie expecting a badly edited; badly dubbed two-bagger. I went there expecting to laugh my ass off at the expectations of the director from the audience. I went there, expecting to be entertained by the badness of the movie.

My Reactions:

The movie, surprisingly has sync sound, so that, in addition to being a welcome surprise, also made the movie look semi-professional. The sync sound guys did do a good job there. The movie has no 'songs' in the general hindi-movie way. What is does have is a very prominent score, and here they do score some points (I'm indulging myself there) in my eyes. The score is reasonably well done, with flashes of awesomeness. What with the sync sound and good score, the movie's audio does do very well. The editing and shooting style, apart from being pointless at some points (hah!), is sometimes just lazy. I counted 5 continuity errors in my first viewing; and i'm sure more will come up if i ever do see the movie again. The acting is good, but like all hindi movies is generally exaggerated. I see this as a fault of the director, as they expect this kind of acting; so this is what the actors provide. By actors, i mean actors and actresses, of course. But i refuse to satisfy feminists, for their satisfaction levels are like Chelsea's transfer funds.

All in all, the movie isn't bad. It does drag at some points, but don't all movies? Of course not, but that made for a nice line, didn't it? I like asking the reader questions, it makes them think. It makes you think. Even better is providing the answers after the questions. This makes you think the way i want you to, doesn't it? You're homosexual.

PS: Vampire Weekend - Cousins

Pain, Misery & Doubt

2009-12-21T00:52:00.004+05:30

Yet again, we experience pain and misery; and yet again, we have all the excuses to defend ourselves. But yet again, we were pathetic. It's just like those fantasy football games we all used to play. Each team had three formation options going into each match-attacking, defensive and counter-attacking. Defensive worked best against counter attacking; attacking worked best against defensive; and counter attacking worked best against attacking. From this we can figure out what won't work against what.

Stating facts: Portsmouth fielded an immensely creative and attacking formation. Liverpool fielded an extremely defensive formation, in addition to a left back in midfield. Logic said that Liverpool were going into this one hoping for some Torres magic and a 1-0 win or a draw at the very least. Logic also said that Portsmouth were going into this one looking for a win over a team badly lacking confidence. Fuck Logic, i said. We have Torres, and in him alone, we have a counter attacking presence like none other. That bit didn't work out too well either.

Of course, it can be argued that Dossena is pathetic at the back, and his only real skill lies in his creativity and his forward forages. The fact remains that he is simply not Riera, Aurelio or even Babel, for that matter. It can also be argued that with Torres in front, Liverpool were as close to counter attacking as they could get. Yet again, it seems that the best goals are always scored against Liverpool; and yet again, it seems that the referees just don't like us.

I'll still defend us when them Mancs try to shove their noses in our butt cracks; but will i really believe it? Is it really the end of Rafa? Mark Hughes has gone, and will Rafa go too? God knows that if anyone's a bandwagon humping cowboy, it's the esteemed 'owner' of Liverpool, so will he look for the quick fix, or will he stick with the fans?

There's just too much doubt. When i see the Liverpool's starting eleven, i don't see creativity and a top four squad. It doesn't matter who's to blame, i just don't see it. I see Arsenal, City, Villa, Chelski and even the fucking Mancs' quality, and i don't see the same in Liverpool. It's no surpise that fucking Birmingham are above us right now.

I don't care if we don't make the top 6, i just want to see some heart, man. Where is the fucking heart? What defines Steven Gerrard? His skill, speed, accuracy, passing ability or his sheer ability to motivate?

Keep the fucking faith, Liverpool.

PS: You'll Never Walk Alone - Gerry & The Pacemakers

Two Album Reviews & Why One Must Hate Luke Kenny

2009-12-16T23:46:00.005+05:30

Now, before i make my point, i ask you to go back to your kid days-when you were an amateur music listener. When i was a kid, i listened to what my friends told me to listen to and that pretty much defined what i liked. My friends at the time listened to hindi music, hip hop and pop; so i chose from what they gave me and naturally ended up liking stuff like Blue, Backstreet Boys, 50 Cent, and Bombay Rockers. You can laugh now, but that's what i liked, and to be fair, noone introduced me to the awesomeness that i spend my time listening to now. But the point i'm trying to make is this: we've all had our faggoty-music-listening-to-days; whether we admit it or not; and stuff like that does sound good, even if we don't admit it or even stop listening to it completely.

Now, with my new found musical tolerance, i find that i'm able to appreciate everything. Of course, there'll always be the odd Karun, Harry and Bhende laughing at me for listening to what i'm listening to, but who the fuck cares? I listen to what i like, and i like what i listen to. I have no patience whatsoever for musical judgers. Hence, i go ahead with what will soon be termed as the most faggoty thing i've ever done.

Album: Here We Go Again by Demi Lovato

After listening listening to this album, one of the first things you'll want to see is whether she can pull it off live; and i was extremely sceptical before i went to THE YOUTUBE! I managed to find two live performances of the title track and 'Solo'; and i was fucking blown away. I didn't hear ONE off note; and these aren't easy songs either. I rate her above Brandon Boyd in note perfection, and that's saying something (Incubus, for those who don't know who he is). In fact, i had a strong feeling she was lip syncing, but i double checked with a cam recording of a different performance of the title track; and she really isn't. She is THAT awesome. Just listen to her album.

Anyway, now that the rant is over, the actual content of the album: It's basically a Pop-Rock album; a lot like what one would expect Avril Lavigne to do, only a lot brasher musically. Avril may have more persona, but her music lacks the awesome Rock feel that this album has. Of course the album has the usual boy-centric songs and the pop elements and all of that, but it's all done really well, and the beauty of it all is that the band pulls it all off live. In addition to all the soft, heavy and pop elements that she incorporates in her album, she also has a song that sounds like her take on Amy Winehouse-Every Time You Lie. Yet again, the lyrics are cheesy, but really, when has that ever been a problem? Iron Maiden listeners should agree.

I haven't really done justice to it, but it really is an awesome album. Even if it'll probably be the soundtrack for every teen movie there is.

Album 2: New Moon Sound Track

I was reading HT Cafe the other day (the music section-the only worthwhile page there is in that tripe), and i came across some album reviews by Luke Kenny. Now, ordinarily i'd just gloss over it all and move on, but seeing that i now have an unlimited download scheme; i decided to give his opinions a test. He gave the New Moon Soundtrack a 4/5, and this piqued my curiosity. So i decided to download the album. I've regretted this decision ever since. Don't do it, just don't. I heard every song except for the Death Cab For Cutie and Muse songs, and i was sorely disappointed. Out of respect for the two bands i actually like, i will not listen to those songs. You know, i'm not even gonna waste more space or time on this. Just don't do it. I give it a 0.5/5. I actually rate it, that's how much i hate it.

The moral: don't trust Luke Kenny's opinion, he's just another asshole.

By the way, here's a funny story. This instrumental band managed to get through to the Launchpad qualifying rounds. You know, the ones with the panel of judges and all. Anyway, before the band started their qualification round performance, Luke Kenny stopped them and said: "You can't perform as an instrumental band, you've gotta have a vocalist". They argued for a bit and then didn't play. But yes, that, to me, is a little fucked up on Luke Kenny's part.

PS: Jamiroquai - Too Young To Die; Demi Lovato - Every Time You Lie; Electric Light Orchestra - Four Little Diamonds.

Playing On Time

2009-12-16T00:02:00.004+05:30

When it comes to studio recording, most musicians get really nervous because of that dreaded click; and i was one of them, till i realized the secret behind playing in time. The secret is what i refer to as the three con's of recording.

Continuous

Conscious

Concentration

One must always listen to the click and ensure that one is in control of the accents and in tempo. One must know the song well enough to listen to the click and not concentrate on the actual content. One should never just listen to the accents and ignore the rest (pretty much); continuous listening is required. One must always be conscious of the click's presence and keep it in mind. Most importantly, one must concentrate on the click. One sees awesome musicians grooving and looking really cool while playing in time; they've either just gotten used to high concentration levels or are hiding their concentration. With these three simple steps conquered, one can effectively play in time (pretty much).

However, the most important part is practise with a click track. A person who has recorded before will be much more at ease with a click track that someone who hasn't; and someone with a decent level of experience will definitely be better at staying in time.

And that concludes my preachy seminar. I only wish i were good with a click track.

PS: Good Love Is On The Way - John Mayer Trio.

How Can Anyone Hate It?

2009-12-09T19:45:00.011+05:30

It's been a while since i've felt this feeling. I just watched Ocean's Twelve, and really, it's been a while. The other day, i heard someone telling someone else about how Movie and T.V. standards are going down; and at the time, i snorted to myself. What a fucking cynic, i thought; go make love to your uncle who can quote every line from Airplane if you love it so much. Of course, at the time my thoughts weren't so harsh, but it makes for a good story. Anyway, as i was saying: What a fucking movie.

This other friend of mine kept going on about the awesomeness of the humour in the Ocean's series; and i just kinda phased those statements out. Now, however, with two thirds of that journey complete, i realize that he was so fucking right. I've never seen humour like this. When the movie started out, i laughed a lot; by the time it really kicked in, i was still laughing my ass off; and by the end, well, i was still laughing. I love subliminal humour. Anyway, at the beginning of the movie, i felt like i was going to watch the American interpretation of a Guy Ritchie movie, and it seemed disgusting at the time. Now it just doesn't seem true. By the time the movie really kicked in, i felt like i would have to wiki the movie after to understand everything; and this disgusted me. Now, i realize that it was supposed to make me feel that way. By the time the movie reached the ending, i truly realized and understood what Demi and Harry had been saying all along- that it is just fucking awesome.

If you put that many awesome actors together in one movie, it's gotta be good, right? The argument seems fair now, but it's deeper that just that. Incorporation of so many superstars with equally justifiable roles must've been a nightmare, but it's paid off. I don't know about box office returns or whatever, but it's paid off in my eyes; and a satisfied viewer is all that a movie maker should really look for, isn't it? How idealistic of me.

One thought that comes to mind after watching it is: I'm sure Matt Damon did what Halle Berry did after X-Men 2. Halle Berry refused to come back for X-Men 3 unless they gave her a more 'significant' role; and so they did. The movie still was awesome, but i did lose a bit of respect for Halle Berry. Just a bit. Anyway, i'm sure Matt Damon did the same thing; but the movie was still awesome, so i don't really care that much.

I'm still reeling from the film's awesomeness. I'm glad i didn't watch this one with my parents.

Interesting trivia from the movie's soundtrack: The main theme has a complex poly rhythm. There are two clear parts which are at different tempos, but they aren't overlapping. They are played one after the other in a verse-chorus sorta format. I hope this makes you listen to the theme. Or at least wiki Poly Rhythms.

By The Way, the feeling i refer to in the first line of this post is the awesome feeling one experiences after watching an awesome movie. Just to clarify.

PS: Rob Thomas - Wonderful, Fire On The Mountain; and for those who haven't heard his earlier songs-Lonely No More, This Is How A Heart Breaks.

The Result Outstrips The Aim

2009-12-08T00:10:00.003+05:30

That, my friends, is an awesome line. It's a shame that it doesn't mean anything. What i'm trying to say is that i wanted to start Pitendencies as a place where i vent; say all the stuff that isn't Politically Correct; and be fucking racist, man. Just because i can't normally. I don't need to say that i'm not racist, but i hate the fact that i can't be racist. That was my initial aim.

Of course, the awesome thing to say now would be that i really love the way this has turned out, and that it was all worth it. I honestly don't know.

I try to reach my initial aim and be all PI, but i seembly cannot. Simply, really. You can't force yourself to write, now, can you? That's a complete lie, of course you can; but the point is this: yet again, i have no point.

PS: The Virgins - Rich Girls. I've heard their other songs are shit, but who cares, really.

How I Function

2009-11-30T23:16:00.003+05:30

I cannot function without inspiration; and i don't mean inspiration in the Steven Gerrard way. The Steven Gerrard way of inspiration, for those who do not know, is 'leading by example and thereby inducing results by sheer awesomeness'. Steven Gerrard will score a spectacular goal, make an awesome tackle or give a brilliant through ball, and will hence goad his team mates to try and reach his own level of awesomeness. That is what is portrayed as true inspiration; and that is precisely what i do not feel.

I see people doing shit, and i feel jealous. So i do shit. If i see people aren't doing shit, i don't feel jealousy and hence i don't do shit. Y'know? By shit, i mean stuff; but you know that already, don't you, you awesome reader. You beautiful, handsome, clever ape. You ape aping, grape gaping, Bolton Wanderer. You toilet paper, you.

Functioning for me is a way of life; and what really, is life? Life is a bunch of functions that are verbs. Life is the void that one feels when one is in a crowd. Life is the awesomeness that one feels when one's team is knocked out of the Champions League. Life is the eccentricity that one foregoes to pre-determine change. Life is more than just a full stop, and anyone who stops with a Life Is.

The point i'm trying to make is that i'm hopelessly writers blocked. I feel empty inside.

The bright side is that Liverpool have won their last two games; and that i have awesome music to listen to.

PS: The Fort Minor album really is awesome. The Demi Lovato album is ruddy brilliant.

"Follow Your Instinct"

2009-11-16T22:05:00.002+05:30

People keep harping on about the wonderfulness and the awesomeness of 'Instinct'. Books and Movies keep glorifying characters who rely primarily on their intuition or instinct. From what one sees, hears and reads, the definition of instinct, as i gather it is the gut feeling that warns people about problematic situations and helps them overcome the same. It is often shown that blindly trusting your instinct is a good thing, and one must always go with it. You get the drift, right? Characters like Hercule Poirot from Agatha Christie, the Jew-Killer from Inglourious Basterds, Michael Weston from Burn Notice and countless other heroes/villains have this legendary power of control over instinct. Of course, i could've named more famous people, but this is what comes to mind.

Now here's my complaint. It doesn't work for me. Maybe i'm like George Coztanza in "The Opposite", and my instincts are self destructive; or maybe i don't know what my instincts are, but the point is that every time i follow my instincts, i end up like a fool. People don't talk about the huge risk that you're taking every time you follow your instincts. Lines like "Follow your heart, and not your mind" have become clichés.

Theory 1:

Maybe i don't recognize my instincts and i'm trying too hard to follow them. This is probably what a counsellor or the logical thinker will tell you. Maybe i'm looking for a quick fix to a problem and i'm expecting too much from my instincts. Maybe instinct is meant to be used sparingly.

Theory 2:

Maybe what i'm following isn't really my instinct, and i've tapped into what i think is my instinct. In my desperation to reach that level-of-awesome-intuition maybe i'm ignoring my instincts.

Theory 3:

Maybe instincts don't exist and it's all a media farce. Maybe it's all a ruse to get people to purchase items based on what they think is their instinct when it's just pure stupidity. Refer: Point of Purchase Marketing.

Theory 4:

The world doesn't exist and we're living in a simpler version of the matrix. Neo doesn't exist. Everything is an illusion, and enlightenment doesn't exist.

Theory 5:

People eventually got tired of the constricted nature of briefs and went on to boxers. However, what they didn't know was that the race of boxers were just extremely pissed off at missing out on Christmas, and the death of Muhammad Ali didn't really help matters for the human race. I know this theory leaves females out, but well, they got Feminine Intuition, didn't they? Fucking misers.

Theory 6:

ZEITGEIST SUCKS ASS!

The Point:

Every time i follow what i think are my instincts, i get fucked. Be it in Fantasy Premier League, or in GTA, or in the exams. As Ricky Gervais rightfully said: "Fucked". I'm sure it doesn't exist. The same goes for Feminine Intuition.

PS: Bang Bang; Something Stupid; These Boots Are Made For Walkin' and the whole Greatest Hits album, really. Nancy Sinatra.

Exaggeration & More

2009-11-13T22:57:00.003+05:30

I remember being so proud of myself when i first used the word "exaggeration". I was bitching to my mother about an uncle of mine who did the 'said deed' a lot, and she kind of ignored me in the lovable way that parents ignore kids; and the incident was forgotten. But since then, every time i used a word out of the ordinary; a word i'd never used before or a word i'd recently learnt, i'd experience this literary thrill. See, it isn't the greatest thing in the world, but it is nice; and i won't try and hyperbole it out of proportion here. Hah! If that made no sense, then YOU need stop being such a grammar nazi. No Humour For You!

Anyway, this post isn't about big words and my usage of them. It's specifically about: "Exaggeration". I find that people use exaggeration as a defense mechanism when narrating stories that aren't really that interesting.

People aren't really used to moderation. It's useless to have a non-committal viewpoint of something; and as a result, you'll either get ignored or misinterpreted as being negative. Eg. Piki asked me the other day: "What do you think of the tone of guitar and processor?". I replied: "It's okay, man." I meant it. It was okay, it was neither good, nor bad. If i heard his tone, i'd move on to some other aspect of the music. It's the musical equivalent of those run-of-the-mill, forgettable faces' that spies tend to have. This may be perceived as a bad thing, but in my opinion, it really isn't.

Another, really frustrating example: When you want feedback, generally the best way to get it is to ask directly. So, the other day, i asked Aidan after a show about how i played that day. He said something to the effect of: "You were shit!". Now, i know how i played that day, and i really wasn't shit at all. I wasn't extraordinary, but i was just about normal, and i know that i didn't really make any mistakes. But what really bothers me is that Aidan proceeded to justify himself by exaggerating my 'shit' performance. It's a personal example, and i know i'm probably just venting my whatever here, but it is my blog. Hah! That's 1-0 to me.

The point is this: people say that the word "good" has lost it's value as it stands for mediocracy; but i don't believe in that. When people call something i've done or like "good", i know they mean "it's okay"; but when i call something "good", i actually mean something better than ordinary. I just hope people get this.

This post is inspired by 3 things:

1. My continued increasing dislike of all things related to Thane.

2. No post for a while, and the resultant insecurity.

3. The recent barrage of posts by Kyra and Harry; and the awesome new blog i found to read.

I've just read a spate of awesome posts, and it sucks that i can't even get close to them. But i take heart in the fact that at least i wrote something. So Hah! That's 2-0 to me. By the way, the next awesome song is Weezer - Run Over By A Truck.

Sharpening The Resolution

2009-11-03T22:36:00.006+05:30

I've always scoffed philosophy and non-fiction. As a sarcasm loving un-serious indivisual who revels in slapstick humour and it's derivatives, i seriously under appreciate these things (Philosophy and non-fiction). I've always perceived them as boring and uninteresting albeit useful for old ladies and mid life crisis sufferers. More importantly, i've always considered myself as not the target audience to which these things are advertised to/portrayed towards.

I now realize and understand firstly, the semi-truthfulness of my beliefs and secondly, the narrow viewpoint with which i look at things. With my now broadened perspective, i have come to realize that although most non-fiction is hypocritical, sleazy and a business for money laundering (in my opinion), to change the way one looks at it, one must change one's personal viewpoint. I see non-fiction and philosophy writers not as those eager to spread their views and learnings but as those who choose to make a profit out of it. Both of these facts may be true, or they may be false. These writers may choose to eagerly spread their acquired knowledge, but the true purpose isn't an altruistic one. In fact, reward doesn't even feature in the cognitive process involved.

Non-fiction, as i now see it is a form of self-clarification. With philosophy, one can essentially create the ground rules based on which the new thought pattern/knowledge application will be based. It is nothing more or less than a rule book of your 'philosophy'. It is not meant to be read by anyone else, and the experience of writing about it, of clarifying the thoughts in your own head, of putting your thoughts cohesively on paper is equal to increasing the sharpness on ones TV from 10 to 100. You may be quite clear about your so called 'philosophy' at level 10, but once level 100 is reached, it is concrete.

Of course, i still very much hate non-fiction, philosophy and their derivatives, but i understand the writer's point of view. Just for clarification (!), when i say writer, i mean author.

I just saw Episode 8 of Season 4 of Heroes, and it sparked off a chain of thought in my head that i cannot seem to comprehend right now. All i know is that my new found understanding is directly related to the way that Heroes is made, and for this, i am grateful. From the point of view of the Heroes audience, the last episode took us back to Season 1, but made it more like Season 1 5000. I'm pretty sure the viewer ship will drop after this episode, and i'm even more positive that critics will pan it for choosing the particular story arc. Heroes, from the very beginning has shown it's roots not in superpowers and their display, but the relation of all events to two things at different levels:

1. At a lower level, the relation of all events to the time-space continuum, as 'we humans' choose to call it.

2. At a higher level, the relation of all events to destiny; and the influence of destiny on peoples life patterns and choices.

For me, this is what differentiates Heroes from X-Men or any other superhero tripe that the world can throw at us.

PS: I love the 'tripe'. Really, i do.

Trials & Tribulations

2009-10-31T22:28:00.004+05:30

Liverpool just lost. I didn't even watch the full game. Again, all of us Liverpool fans will brandish our latest collection of excuses, insults and accusations; and the worst part is that they're all very true and extremely justified. It seems that we're attracting nothing but bad luck in increasing degrees.

Everything is just so fucking pissing off.

The media will yet again vilify the Kop; the commentators become opinion leaders more than fact providers and every ex player that Liverpool ever had will try to prove they're better than Rafa at what he does. Lines like: "Noone is above criticism" will be chanted over and over, and even though he really doesn't deserve it, the fucking cowboys will now be pressurised to kick Rafa out. That's a thought i don't even want to contemplate. Everyone will forget that we just made the Mancs pee in their pants last week; and the Mancs themselves will yet again regain that infernal swagger that they don't deserve.

The referees, the beach balls, the injuries, the sicknesses and the fucking cowboys. What we wouldn't do for some fucking luck..

Football & Catharsis

2009-10-23T01:33:00.002+05:30

That, my friends, is genius. I know i cannot avoid copyright infringement with this one, but here's the site where i found that. Please check it out if you're a football fan:

http://www.studs-up.com

I'm kidding, you really aren't my friends, and i won't disrespect you by using such careless terminology again.

See, i'm still very pissed off at the fact that people just say shit and look like they've won shit. Okay, well fuck that, i'm just really really fucking pissed off at them mancs. I hate them, i hate what they stand for, and i hate their fucking attitude. I accept that Manchester United are a good team; i do not accept you, fucking Man U fan. Bhende, this isn't only directed at you, so don't feel all hurt and shit. I desperately do not want to look like i'm saying this just because people i know actually read this.

It's a jumble of emotions, man.

No, but seriously, today's been a bad day; and not for the usual reasons that make my days bad. Let's explore this, then.

A bad day is one where i had to get up early for college. I didn't get much sleep because i slept late the earlier night trying to finish my project. I couldn't finish it in the night, so i procrastinated; and regretted it the next day. After college is done, somewhere around noon, i head home as i have no money on me. I eat food that i don't like at home, and get a hearing from my folks for another stupid reason. I want to sleep, but i realize that i have to go to Thane for a fucking band meeting. I cannot cancel on those humpers because being their friend is a hefty fucking toll. I go to Thane, and endure another painful experience, what with the usual oh-i-don't-mean-it-it's-just-in-fucking-jest shit. I reach home late and go to sleep. I feel guilty throughout because i didn't finish my project, it's overdue and my teacher screams at me in front of everyone. Public humiliation really is a bitch. The guilt is because in my head: i've brought it on myself.

Today was painful as i wanted to play football but i couldn't for some stupid fucking band meeting. I don't like meeting the band members unless we have to jam. Well, not the ones i met today anyway. The band meeting occupied my full evening, and what a fucking waste that was. Being friends with some people really isn't fun. This isn't a hidden reference, it's a general statement. I will ensure that i don't say what i don't mean to, and my paranoia helps this. Call it insecurity, if you will.

Catharsis at it's very best, my friends. You really are my friends.

The happy ending: I have truly come to realize the magic and awesomeness that is "Blood Sugar Sex Magik". The full album is insane, and i strongly recommend it to funk fans.

The Devil Is Amongst Us. He Is Big, Fat & Red.

2009-10-18T00:48:00.006+05:30

A quick snippet from Ricky Gervais' (highly controversial) stand up act:

This is a converstaion Ricky narrates between an elephant who is 'caught' swimming two miles off coast.

Coast Guard: "What're you doing?"

Elephant (Swimming worriedly): "Nothing"

Coast Guard: "It's not nothing, is it?"

*Elephant shrugs while still swimming worriedly*

Coast Guard: (points to a spot behind the elephant) "what's that?"

Elephant (Swimming worriedly) "Beach ball"

Coast Guard: "Tell me what you're doing"

*Elephant looks around nervously*

Coast Guard: "Don't look at him, look at me and tell me what you're doing"

Elephant "Swimming"

Coast Guard: "Yeah, you are", (Scolds), "d'you know how far off coast you are?"

*Elephant shrugs while still swimming worriedly*

Now, you may wonder as to what point that particular narrative carries. Or you may want to know how the conversation ended. Or you may question the point of putting it in this particular post. Or, you may simply be irritated at it's seeming pointlessness and it's frustration inducing properties. I could've put the full conversation up, but then, that'd leave you, the reader, satisfied. Contrary to what you may believe, i do not wish to satisfy you. I wish for you to be as frustrated and pissed off as possible, and then some; and Jennifer Love Huge-Tits on a platter of intelligence wouldn't please me more right now.

Now, i begin. The devil, in his final incarnation is amongst us. He showed himself at the Stadium of Shite last time out in the 5th minute, exactly as Nostradamus said; and if the celebrated prophecy-maker's prophecy does hold true, then the devil's next sighting may well be more than just huge and red. The Mayans did get it right, after all. Even if they were off by about 3 years.

The beach ball is the devil, in all his glory. We all know the devil's colour, size and ego. He chooses reincarnations that are red and big. If one looks at a beach from above, what stands out the most? The hot women? The dogs? The crabs? The sea? The shops? Or the big red balls that are bouncing about, strongly contrasting with the yellow sand? Yup, that religious terror that is now coursing through your veins may be 3 years early, but at least it's there. So even if you're not dying, you're at least feeling shitty.

Let's think back to the person who invented the beach ball. Everyone was happy at the beach. Hairy men and hairy women working out, swimming etc. Suddenly someone comes with a huge red ball, and everyone is transfixed at it's sight. Everyone now wants to just splash about pointlessly in the water with the stupid fat ball. Slowly, but surely, everyone turns fat, much like the fat red ball. Even surfing, the then popular sport/pastime, now faces competition from the fat red ball.

Mayan folklore has it that the fat red ball is a direct descendant of the devil's first incarnation's testicles. But noone repeats these facts, no no. Noone will tell you that within that ball is a flesh memory of all who touch it; and the final aim of all beach balls will never be voiced out loud: to kill all humans, and hump the Gujaratis.

Look at it from Pepe Reina's point of view: he has to compete with Casillas and Canizares. The poor baldie's not gonna get any games anyway. None really worth keeping for, that is. I don't fucking care if Canizares doesn't play for Spain any more, and i don't even care if fucking Victor Valdes is Spanish. The point really is moot with you fucking statistic relying chawnds, isn't it?

PS: Think about it. In the highly likely event of a global cataclysm, only a beach ball will survive.

The Return

2009-10-16T11:24:00.002+05:30

Today is the 16th of October. My exams ended on the 10th of October. So, if you count the build up time to my exams and the exam time itself as non-blogging days, i should've posted something or the other in the last 6 days ie in the days immediately following the end of my exams. However, i do not control my own whims and urges, and i really didn't feel like posting anything at all. Hence, the silence. Now, however, my conscience will not let me be; hence, in order to appease my super-ego, i post.

Shit that's happened since you last saw me:

1. Dan Brown's new book is out! People like Daniel, who are well versed in the actual facts and history of the shite he talks about will probably hate it (much like they hated the last four); but i will love it. I must love it. In fact, i feel so strongly about it that i will buy the original, not the pirated copies.

2. Liverpool lost twice. Much like Gerry said: "It doesn't do half my head these days-supporting Liverpool". Now, i can't relate to that, but you get the general mood. Now, however, with the return of Dani Agger, the injury of Hercules, and the prospect of finally seeing Aquaman in a Liverpool jersey lifts my mood. The choices that Rafa has at his disposal for centre backs are (in the following order): Carra, Skrtel, Dani Agger, Ayala. This is taking into account the fact that Hercules is injured. Quite badly, it seems. Anyway, about the losses: I didn't get to see either of the games, but there are a lot of positives to take from them (from what i hear). Most importantly, the return to form of Masch and Carra. So even if Gerrard is injured (which i hope to God he isn't), it seems like we could just manage without him. Anyway, my TV is back, which means i get to watch the match at the Stadium of Shite. So hooray for boobies, then.

I could've written more, but that involves writing. Forgive me.

PS: Poets of the Fall - Fire; Vavamuffin - Vavamuffin on the road.

The Exams

2009-09-28T21:50:00.002+05:30

The reason for the no updates is, of course, the exams. The worries are keeping from writing. I am hence sorry about the not writing part.

Of course, it'd be better if the worries made me study, but never mind. Maybe later then.

PS: Venice Queen - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Manchester United Haters Anonymous

2009-09-20T23:16:00.008+05:30

Let me start off by noting the significance of this date: it is the 20th of September, 2009. 20/09/2009, that is. 20092009, if you haven't got it yet.

Now, before i make my point with this post, there is a little information that you, the reader must know, especially those who don't follow football much. See, before this English Premier League season started, Manchester City was bought over by some rich fuckers who shoved all their money into Mark Hughes' ass in an attempt to bring in quality to their side (which they were painfully lacking). Mark Hughes, in response to the ass money shoving goes on a buying spree, bringing in players from all over. From among these players, he brought in Adebayor and Toure from Arsenal; and Tevez from Manchester United. There were a lot of other players brought in as well, but these were the high profile/controversial transfers. So now, Manchester City has become something of a super-squad of players from all over, much like Chelsea started their own spree about 4 years ago. Now, the transfers i mentioned were controversial because the players were integral players to their respective teams, and these players themselves claimed to be 'loyal'. You get the drift. So naturally, these players are hated by their old club fans for their hypocrisy, and this is justified. Anyway, Manchester City played Arsenal a couple of weeks back, and the hostility between the fans and Adebayor was pretty evident, and it escalated to a near dangerous level after the game. The fans, especially were screaming and booing at him from all angles; and he didn't exactly try and win them over himself. This week, Manchester City traveled to their age old rivals Manchester United, from whom they had taken Tevez before this season started. Throughout and before the game, Tevez maintained a sombre demeanour, showing no signs of aggression. His football remained the same, but his attitude was remarkably happy; and he ignored all the booing that the Manchester United fans were throwing at him. The fans, on the other hand, kept booing him more and more every time he touched the ball; and they didn't stop at any point in the game.

In interests of saving time, from now on, Manchester United is called 'United' and Manchester City is called 'City'.

I tried not keeping that too biased, but anyway, here's my theory: the United fans saw the extreme hatred of Adebayor and Toure that the Arsenal fans harboured, they, being the bandwagon humping chawnds that they are, immediately started the anti-Tevez furore. Adebayor publicly dissed Arsenal and it's fans; and therefore earned (or justified) his hatred. Tevez didn't do any of that; and yet suffered a whole lot more than he deserved. Even though he didn't show it, i'm sure he felt it; and he must be applauded for playing superbly under pressure (what a Harsha Bhogle sentence that is).

I hence hate Manchester United fans for their bandwagon tendencies and overtly dramatical theatrics. Fuck you, Man yew.

A lot of my friends are Man U fans, and true to the custom, they too have that fucking superiority complex that they don't deserve. Manchester United are exactly what Leeds are portrayed as in 'Damned United'; and Surd Alex is truly just a wannabe Clough.

PS: I appreciate Rooney's skills, and i'm dazzled by Evra, but that doesn't take away from the point of this post. Let Me Entertain You - Robbie Williams and Slow Cheetah - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

My Mondegreen (Another Alliteration-also an alliteration)

2009-09-19T16:00:00.001+05:30

So i was listening to 'Make Me Pure' by Robbie Williams, and it's come to my attention that the defining line of the song is "Make me pure, but not yet". Now, there's nothing that remarkable or extraordinary about this line. It's a nice line, and a James Bond reference and all of that. Now the embarrassing part. I thought it was "Make me pure, not gay", and i mentioned this here.

See, it's not that bad because someone told me that that was the lyric. So my mind made me hear it like that when i heard the song, and i was hence fooled into thinking that that was the actual lyric. Now, however, it sounds exceedingly stupid. Anyway, this post was just to clear this fact. I didn't want to edit an earlier post and shit. That's fucking hypocritical, man.

Now that that's outta the way, let me inform you that i love GTA III. Violence is the best.

PS: Make Me Pure by Robbie Williams (Again).

Punctuation Anonymous

2009-09-14T19:26:00.007+05:30

In case you don't know, this is how it works in Mumbai: You finish school at the 10th grade, after which you enter what is known as 'Junior College' till the 12th grade. This is pretty much the same as normal college, only the teachers care a little bit more. After clearing your 12th grade exams, you enter senior college till the 15th grade, which is when you pass out with your degree. There are board exams at Grade 10, Grade 12 and Grade 15; and these are essential as their outcomes define what college/workplace you get into. In some places, you have regular school till Grade 12, after which one can joing senior college. There are plenty of variations, but this is the basic format. To get to the next year, you HAVE to pass the year you are in.

In junior college, the functioning is a little different from school and senior college. There is no homework and there are no projects. There are two exams per annum, one at the end of every semester. So obviously, there are two semesters every year. However, in senior college, there are continuous projects and homework etc; and generally, everyone has to get a printed copy of their project. Handwritten work is rare, unapproved of and generally qutie shoddy. So everyone either mails their projects to the teachers or prints them and submits them as a hard copy. There is hence a lot of copy pasting and work plagiarism involved, but it's all part of the experience.

Now see, i'm at Grade 15. I've been through it ALL. In school, we had to submit handwritten assignments; in junior college, we had unit tests and shite, and in the 3 years of senior college, we've had a shitload of projects, an overwhelming majority of which are done on the computer. My point is this: because of my continual project work on the computer, i know all about punctuation, because Microsoft Word (thank God for it) immediately points of grammar and punctuation discrepancies. Hence, i know that you put a space after a full stop or a comma. I didn't know this initially, but i fucking learned over 3 years.

Yet, somehow, most of my peers are fucking clueless. I dunno, maybe noone corrects them, or maybe they enjoy seeing those red and green curvy lines in Word, or maybe they just don't fucking know; but the point is: you've had 3 fucking years at the very least to learn about punctuation and shit. Some people have worked, like with a salary and shit; some people have interned somewhere or the other and others have even studied abroad; and yet, the punctuation errors keep unfolding. I could do a Russel Peters and say that it's all because Indians refuse to learn and shit, but i really don't want excuses being made for them (Not Indians, but them who don't know the rules of THE PUNCTUATION).

My peers send me 20 to 30 page long (at the very least) projects without bothering to proof read or correct their punctuation lapses; and it indeed is painful to do.

I may not be the best person to work with in a project, but when it comes to proof reading and shit, at least my fucking punctuation is on. That is the most basic courtesy. An unpunctuated document is like an alien. It's existence is of NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCE TO ANYONE. I still wonder why people think aliens existence matters. You think they spend billions of their currency to check if we exist?

PS: It's not a rant, man. I hate that word. I'm listening to Crackerman by Stone Temple Pilots.

"No Change, Boss"

2009-09-12T14:12:00.005+05:30

Frustration is a common emotion in metropolises. You know, the frustration one feels while stuck in a traffic jam, or while waiting in a long line for a ticket, or while waiting for your order at McDonalds, or when the lecture just doesn't seem to end. Those, and a thousand more. If you, the reader, can think of more tickets to frustration, then please do, and let me know. For it is always a pleasure to see other sources of frustration. I always enjoy misery more than happiness. Others misery, that is. A good example of this is Simon Cowell (the British judge from 'American Idol'). People keep questioning his cynicism (which, coincidentally is why he's there as a judge in the first place), and he keeps trying to tell people: If he sees someone doing well for themselves or being a success, he doesn't 'feel happy for the person'. He hates it, and you can choose to live in denial, but you can't deny you feel the same as well. Unless it's your own achievements we're talking about, obviously (but you know that).

Anyway, my primary source of frustration is the blank look that cabbies, ticket counter waalas and sellers give you when you hand them a big note (say Rs. 100 and higher). "No change, boss" is the general refrain, and this is painful; because then the hunt for change begins. The moment one sees the face, one realizes that one has lost 5 minutes at the very least.

However, let's delve into this a bit further. Who is at fault here? Is it the cabbie, who always gives the dirty look that says: "How is it my fault if you don't have change?"; or is it the consumer, who's logic is: "I have money to pay him, it's only fair that he should have change for me." The cabbies invariably argue for ages with you once you tell them you don't have change. It is apparently your own fault if you enter a cab and don't have fucking change. You have enough money to pay me, but i don't have enough to ensure you pay me what i deserve and not more.

My solution: Before i enter cabs, i ask them: "D'you have change for a hundred bucks?". It's worked so far.

A friend of mine told me a story that made my blood boil. He was sitting in the back of a cab when the cabbie broke a signal and got caught. The moment he saw the police guy coming for him, he reached into about 5 different pockets all over his body, took out about 2000 rupees and handed it to my friend for safekeeping. When the 'hawaldar' finally came, he handed him 200 bucks saying: "This is all i have". Anyway, the point of this story is: Don't let them cab fuckers fool you into believing they don't have change. They have so much change that their fucking hands gleam of silver everytime a rainbow comes up in the sky. Cabbies are evil, man. EEEVAAELLLL.

PS: I'm listening to Surrender by Billy Talent, and it is indeed awesome.

Fence Straddling

2009-09-08T00:27:00.004+05:30

What do i deeply detest? I hate when people always put up their sorrows online. I hate when people keep posting rants and worries on their blogs/tweets/facebook statuses/personal messages etc. It's okay if you do it once in a way. By that, i mean say, once a month; but anything more than that and it's just fucking attention seeking. I know, i know, people can argue that depression is the most common emotion and all, but don't fucking spread it. I have 'friends' who continuosly post shit like: "i'm so down today", "i hate my lyf" and "sad song lyric". Nothing depresses me more.

However, now i can relate just a little bit. I haven't blogged at all this last week for two reasons: Firstly because i just didnn't have anything to say; and second because i've spent most of my free time worrying about my academic scene. I'll talk about that in a later post, once it's all worked out. Anyway, this worry dogs me wherever i go, whatever i do. It's this nagging thing at the back of my head that just doesn't fucking leave. I just figured out (as i'm writing this) that it's my conscience.

I realize that in my attempt to not be like them fuckers who do keep writing sad, sentimental and deeply emotional posts, i'm just stuck being funny. There's no other option, and this works against me when i'm not doing that well emotionally. Which is, as they say it in Mumbai, the ''fuck-up''.

In direct contrast to these Emotionally Public People are the Always Must Be Funny/Always Must Be On Top People. These people MUST always be funny, and they NEED the upper hand. I realize i shouldn't be either of these, and hence, this is my way of not being funny, and hence being funny at the same time. It's my fucking solution, and whether it works or not is of no consequence. Unless i get hate mail, of course. But like some media fuck said:

I'm not fucking quoting media people man, what do you think i am? Sheesh.

PS: I'm listening to Make Me Pure Not Gay by Robbie Williams and Cheer Up by Reel Big Fish.

The Rules Of 'The Picture'

2009-09-01T23:45:00.006+05:30

This post is applicable to Facebookers only.

An excellent way to track sexism is via pictures. Let's dwell on that thought for a while. Everyone strives to have the perfect picture face. You know, the one that's neither too fake nor too attention seeking. One doesn't want to piss off the facebook judgers. A big huge smile that radiates happiness can't work, as people around you will judge you and say: 'How fake'. A non-smiling face can't work, as people will say: 'What's the point of that?'. The perfect picture is one with a hint of a smile; with preferably 5-6 comments under it. For this, one must have sufficient skill in front of a camera-the art of holding a smile for a long time without it losing it's shine. Women are born with this talent, and this is the sexism i was referring to.

Apart from the nice smile pictures, one is also allowed bonuses like a special 'fruity' picture or one that shows a hint of intimacy. Just a hint. The fruity picture can't be too kinky, otherwise one will be judged yet again. One can't have too many fruity pictures too. The risk of being judged is too high.

There's always that minutely embarrasing picture that someone has put up that you hate. Hence, you feel but obliged to comment 'eeeeeeeew, take this picture off' about 2-3 times. This is nothing but a plea for attention, and them who fall for this trap are fuckers.

There are also the facebook daredevils, who put up semi-nude pictures of themselves alone; or highly intimate pictures of themselves with the partner; who is also the person they are 'in a relationship with'. The Picture PDA-ers, if you will. What an alliteration.

What people don't realize is that in the struggle not to get judged, they get judged.

If you're wondering what prompted me to write that, or even think all of that, check this out: http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/20/annoying.facebook.updaters/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

PS: I dislike people who think and do everything. Like Rebecca, specifically.

PPS: I'm all for PDA. Really.

PPPS: Apologies for the copyright infringement. But really, noone reads this.

Situations & Scenarios

2009-08-27T23:36:00.003+05:30

Man 1 says to man 2: "Yo wazz happenin', bee?"

YOU EFFING RACIST. Just 'cause he speak like that don't mean he's a black dude. You and your fucking stereotypes. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.

Situations where the line: "The game has changed" really isn't the right thing to say. This is a reference to B.B. King, who truly meant it when he repeated the line: "The Thrill Is Gone". Anyway:

1. Woman tells man: "I'm pregnant".

Man tells woman: "THE GAME HAS CHANGED!"

2. Scene: A Funeral

The priest is giving the eulogy. "....and may his soul rest in-" "THE GAME HAS CHANGED"- the zombie.

3. KERPLUNK!

"The game has changed!!"

Bad situations for your folks to walk in on you:

1. Kid is sitting alone in the room. It's the middle of the night. No lights on, no fans on, all windows shut, all doors shut. The kid kneels and starts praying: "Lord, i'm deeply in love with you, will you be my one?"

2. Scene: The classroom. The blackboard reads: PRACTICALS. Below that, in the bottom left corner, in small font, reads: "Sex Education". The kid is standing in front of the full class completely naked, trying to pick a suitable candidate from the class. The parents walk in and say: "But this is a boys school".

Sexist Scenarios:

1. Board outside swimming pool reads: "NO BITCHES ALLOWED."

2. GAY MARRIAGE SYNDICATE

"We're like women, only we don't nag and have penises."

3. Bhutta waala on the rounds on Malabar Hill, screaming: "Nice, fresh, long and thick." This isn't really sexist, but at the time of my doodling in class (which was when i came up with all of this), i didn't realize that. However, i'm not about to edit it out just because of it's non-sexist nature. Come on, give me a break.

PS: There's this thing that Aniket does, where at the end of every post, he adds the song he's currently into. It's his thing, but i love, and so i'm going to rip it off. So right now, i'm into Slow Cheetah - Red Hot Chili Peppers; and all of the Across The Universe OST.

PPS: 'Bhutta' in hindi means corn. There are these vendors all over Mumbai who wheel these carts everywhere and sell corn at a cheap rate. This is for those who aren't from India. For noone, basically. If you aren't from India, then wow, i've gotten fucking big, man. Yeah!

I Seek Reassurance

2009-08-21T21:24:00.005+05:30

Y'know, it might sound VERY childish of me to say this, but fuck that: i need comments. I need to know that people are reading my shit, man; and not just by fucking clustr maps (which is awesome, bee-tee-double yew). I don't mean only comment on this post (which is also highly unlikely), check the others as well. It actually would mean a lot to me; and if you know me, or think you know me, you'll know that i'm not generally this emo. I'm also known as 'no-emotion man', so this is quite a big deal for me.

You can comment even if you're not part of blogger/blogspot, and you can also comment as anonymous. So please do!

PS: Sentences should never start with an 'and'. I hate that word with a capital A. It should only be in y'know, the opposite of caps. Right, well.

SEINFELD VS friends

2009-08-20T00:53:00.008+05:30

I realize that i'm alienating a significant portion of my audience (i like to kid myself) with this post, but you know what they say: "If one must alienate, then alienate", "Aliens are for outer space" and of course the famous "Life is like a box of aliens that've eaten all your chocolate". That feeling of religious terror that you're feeling right now, that's also tearing at your intestines is just that stomach problem you're having, and that feeling of insanity is just normal. It seems to me that insane people (mentally challenged) who suffer from stomach problems are quite fucked. The one place where people can be sane is in the loo. Let's face it: how many different ways and methods of excreting exist? It is the definition of sanity, in my opinion, and someone mentally challenged with a stomach problem has nothing to live for. You follow my chain of thought?

Yes, nothing to live for except for Seinfeld, of course. That's right. I just connected the numbers 1 and 2 to sitcoms, which, by an eerie coincidence are 2 in number (in this post, anyway). Yes, an unbiased analytical analysis of these two sitcoms.

For those of you who don't live in India, here's how it is here: we are overdosed on these two sitcoms. Three channels on daily tv have Friends on different timings (without fail, everyday), and there are weekly 'Friendathons', for those family get togethers on the weekends. Seinfeld used to be a daily show, but after about 4 years, they shifted to weekly 'Seindathons'. So basically, everyone in India who watches western channels, who has someone in that family who watches these channels or lives in the urban culture at the very least has seen 10 episodes of both these shows. Well, maybe more of Friends, but whatever.

Seinfeld: The Show About Nothing. Those 4 very basic characters; one appropriately slapstic (i love him DESPITE his racist-ness), one appropriately woebegone; one funny guy and one normal ocd infested girl. No storyline of speak of, no time capsule, barely any continuity and below average acting. Humour based on a dry interpretation of everyday events and absurd turns and reactions of characters in the show. There's a whole bunch of recurring characters, some of whom are neurotic at the very least, and most of whom are related to or have dated the lead 4. Purely situational comedy, continuous breaking of that fourth wall and no sentimental moments whatsoever. I love it.

Friends: The Feel Good One. The 6 basic characters with a HUGE recurring character cast. At least a third of the show has sentimental moments to it, and it displays a huge array of emotions and eventualities. It covers almost every aspect of the middle class life (the American one, anyway), and hence has the widest target audience. It has won the most shite because of this, and is by popular consent the most watched shite internationally. I don't give an octopus' tentacle (arseblog reference!) about the actual facts. This is my interpretation.

It must be said that Friends had a HUGE array of celebrities who guest starred in some episode or the other, while Seinfeld did too, but significantly less. Another very important point. Elaine, the lead female character in Seinfeld was NOT hot. As opposed to the 3 women in Friends, who are all shown to be very hot etc etc. Elaine, in my opinion, was deliberately shown as NOT hot to further her character as one of the four. Despite the fact that she was and is hot, the Seinfeld people didn't use that aspect of her in the series, spare a few moments.

I enjoy Friends a lot, mostly when Chandler's there in the scene, but almost every episode i change the channel when it turns sentimental as opposed to just plain funny. This may be because the target audience is more female oriented, but whatever. The point is, at these overtly sentimental moments, i cringe and change the channel. This has NEVER happened with Seinfeld. Of course, this may be because of the opposite of Friends with target audience thing, but whatever.

For me, Seinfeld over Friends, any day. Balls to sentimentality. Don't get me wrong, i do like chick flicks.

PS: I don't need research for this post. I've seen 'em all! Anyway, i don't research, that's just not how i function.

The True Fan

2009-08-16T14:59:00.003+05:30

What is a true fan? I'm talking about football, of course; but this can branch off into any sport. There's always the hatred of the 'non-true' fans by the 'true' fans.

The True Fan must know everything, and if someone tells him something about his own team, then he must say: "Yes, of course. I knew that already. Hunh!". The true fan must feel a compulsive hatred bred in him by other earlier true fans of non-true fans and other such fosers. The true fan must also scream very loudly every time a goal is scored/saved/good pass/good play/good tactic/good skill/water boy/any event happens. Okay, i'm branching off into football now, but you can derive what you will from here. It involves using your brains.

If the fan does not know shit, then he is not a true fan.

I had a lot of more points, but i forgot them all. Maybe i'll put them up later. Maybe i've already put them up and you don't realize. Maybe i should stop breaking the fourth wall or however that phrase applies to blogs.

PS: Fosers = fucking posers

PPS: I keep saying 'he'. If ever a feminist reads this page/blog and gets highly upset at the 'he' usage, my mission will be completed. For it is but an honour to piss off a feminist.

Just That Phase

2009-08-16T01:07:00.003+05:30

I won't apologize, but i will stare. It's only fair.

Everyone goes through it.

It doesn't matter if your post is small, just updating is adequate. Look at all the 'most read' blogs. They're updated every day.

Y'know?

Why So Honest?

2009-08-06T20:31:00.006+05:30

I've just realized that i can't write about a lot of stuff here, because i've put my name on this site. Most of the people who do bother to read this will know me, but what if my family happens to stumbleUpon (i wish) this site? I mean, i don't want them to know some shite about me, man. Some shite that i have no issue telling everyone else. The answer is an anonymous blog. Yes. I will make a blog where i'll talk about all of my misdeeds etc, especially shite that i don't want my folks to know (For example, my WEED habits. Hah! Just a joke).

A special prize to he (not she, HE) who manages to find it!

PS: Women are allowed to search for it, i just don't like that they don't like when 'he' applies to humans in general. Fucking nakhreybaazes. I hate you, Reena.

Movies with Folks

2009-08-02T23:48:00.006+05:30

The best way to bond with family is a nice family outing, right? With no distractions and suchshite. Where the intent is just to chill out, relax and have a good time. More like a vacation, preferably far from home, but definitely away from it. Of course, in these hectic times, we don't get time for family bonding. So we resort to the next best option: Movies.

A Random Paragraph: People can be judged while watching movies. Most basically, they can be divided into two categories:

a) The Talkers: Them who talk throughout movies, who comment on every possible thing, try their best to discredit the movie, try their best to predict the outcome, and voice each and every thought that passes through their heads. Their enjoyment is directly proportional to the amount spent talking during the actual running of the film.

b) The Silent Watchers: Them who watch the movie in silence, taking in every detail, and appreciating every little nuance that the movie brings to you. They are ideal to have around if you don't understand what's going on in the movie. The movie must be paused for a sufficient explanation. For them, the most cathartic experience is a movie spent in total silence. Enjoyment is inversely proportional to the amount spoken (by anyone) during actual running time of the movie.

Anyway, as i was saying, family vacations became too much too often, so families decided to settle for a more cheap method of bonding: Movies. "The full family goes to watch a movie and bonds so well" is such a feel good sentence that every guilt-ridden family member aches to be able to say it out loud. While watching movies with family, a little enjoyment is tripled in the head of the watcher, just to appease his own dissonance. But still, you know, the comparatively more formal atmosphere of the movie hall can still control the family in terms of loud criticism.

More recently, with the introduction of piracy in people's daily lives, the family outing has been reduced to mere movie watching on the tv in the living room. Now the younger generation is asked to download movies on the computer, transfer them on to usb drive/cd/dvd and watch them via the dvd player. This is the extent to which the family outing has been diluted. Anyway, this isn't the point of this blog.

I watch movie occasionally with my folks, and i've grown to fucking hate it. They ruin the movie! -After Da Vinci Code, my father kept laughing every time we passed a gutter. He'd nudge me and tell me: "The tomb of Mary Magdalene is in there".

-After Harry Potter, my pop would keep poking me with wooden sticks and scream "Expecto Patronum"

I could give you more examples, but you get the idea.

Finally, to the point of this long (needless) post. I just saw Ocean's Eleven with my folks in my hall on the tv via dvd etc. I loved the movie. But i couldn't fucking enjoy it at ALL. My pop kept rambling about the importance of subtitles and he kept bitching about the strong accents. They kept losing dialogue, and i had to keep pausing and explaining. They never understood what was going on, and in the end, they just criticised the movie. They criticised Ocean's Fucking Eleven. THAT is how fucked up my movie-watching-with-parents-scene is.

Now, they're trying to convince me to watch Harry Potter with them. Sly fucks.

The Bias

2009-08-01T13:58:00.004+05:30

Everyone knows what Malhar is. The biggest fucking festival that everyone loves to hate. EVERY participant complains, and EVERY volunteer justifies; and yet EVERY college tries its hardest to win, bad organization/attitude notwithstanding. It's Malhar, after all.

Malhar. With it's huge ass events and huge ass judges. Events like the band events, the dance events, the theater events etc etc all have renowned judges from all over. Renowned, UNBIASED judges. But anyway, let's look into that. What makes for a non-biased judge? How does the organizer foresee and prevent any objections that the contingents may have? Or at the very least ensure the judge's fairness evaluation?

Qualities of an Unbiased Judge:

1. They shouldn't know the name of the competing colleges (In case, they were ex-students or something like that).

2. They shouldn't BE in any competing colleges (For obvious reasons).

These, i think are the basic qualifications a judge at such a big festival should have.

Now, let's look at the acapella event. From what i hear ( i HOPE i'm wrong), a Third Year student (!) from Nirmala Niketan is the judge for the finals. He's not from a competing college, but still a STUDENT! More than that, an ex-Wilsonian student who's very vocal about his love for Wilson College. One can still argue that this doesn't mean he's biased, and that most judges are ex-students of some college or the other, and that there's no way he'd recognize the Wilson contingent anyway. Well here's this: he played in a band with Wilson CL's brother, and she calls him her 'rakhi brother'; and he is playing in a band with one of the acapella group members. And they BOTH know that he's gonna be the judge.

With all due respect to the judge, this may count for some sub-conscious bias, or at the very least it would play on his mind that he knows two of the singers in the Wilson group.

The same judge was there last year for the finals, too, and the same two people in the Wilson contingent were there last year too, and Wilson didn't even figure in the top 3. This can mean one of two things:

1. That Wilson simply weren't good enough, and the judge ruled fairly.

2. That the judge hates Wilson college, and hence deliberately low marks.

See, i know the judge, and he definitely won't be biased. At ALL. But that's not the point, is it? Any competing college, if they find out about this, can complain and bring this matter up, right? Malhar can always argue that he judged fairly last year, and so there shouldn't be a problem. But that doesn't matter to the college that raised the issue, right? The point is that there is enough evidence to show that he COULD be biased. End of story.

Personally, i don't care. It's probably better for Wilson that he's there. I should learn how to end blogs.

The Formula To A Good Movie/Song

2009-07-25T20:32:00.008+05:30

I was listening to "Open Up" by Dispatch (who are fucking awesome, by the way) today, and the song got me thinking. Here are the lyrics (or at least part of them). Check the song out here:.

VERSE:

they were looking for me when I came to
they were looking for me when I came back
said hey you, you're looking very suspicious
I said relax man get off my back
I said relax man get off my back

PRE-CHORUS:

I, I, I ain't opposed to seeking justice
but you're going about it all wrong
the man you're looking for does not exist
he's just a figment of the higher man's tounge

CHORUS:
(and they say)
open up we're comming inside
you can't run so you may as well hide
we got the place covered from head to toe, head to toe
open up we're comming inside
what's it feel like to know you're going to die
on the other side of the row
on the other side of the row

VERSE:

so they took me down to the gallows
and this boy he say to me
why do you smile when the rope's around your neck
I said I tell you boy when I get back
I said I tell you boy when I get back

PRE-CHORUS:

I, I, I ain't opposed to seeking justice
but you're going about it all wrong
the man you're looking for does not exist
he's just a figment of the higher man's tounge
he's just a victim of the higher man's tounge

CHORUS:
(and they say)
open up we're comming inside
you can't run so you may as well hide
we got the place covered from head to toe, head to toe
open up we're comming inside
what's it feel like to know you're going to die
on the other side of the row
on the other side of the row

BRIDGE:
hands above your head
que le via bien
step out of line we'll and fill you with lead

how are we to know that your not a liar
don't you see whe have a job to do
and our job is the law
you fit the description of a criminal crosser
we believe that he is you and that is your flaw
that is your flaw...
that is your flaw...

CHORUS:

and they say
open up we're comming inside
you can't run so you may as well hide
we got the place covered from head to toe, head to toe
open up we're comming inside
what's it feel like to know you're going to die
on the other side of the row
on the other side of the row

Now, if you're too impatient to read all of that, then here's the explanation: There's this guy who's on the run who claims that he's innocent. And he sings all the verses and the prechoruses. The police sing the chorus and the bridge, where they ask the man to surrender, and where they justify themselves. Both sides of the argument are shown, and both are shown to be convincing. The last chorus of the song is a very soft one, and it gradually builds into this power packed outro, which serves as the 'final battle'. This is an awesome example of how onomatopaeic music can be. The lyric doesn't tell us that the police kill the man, but the music does, and that's why it's so awesome.

Anyway, the whole point of this is the two voices, or the two people, or most basically, the good vs bad battle within the song. THIS is the secret formula for awesomeness. EVERY movie/song in which there's an epic musical battle is a hit, or is at least one to remember.

In the movie: The Pick of Destiny, the final battle (Beezleboss) between Tenacious D and the devil is a long single song, and it shows the kicking off, progress and end of the full battle in ONE song. Incidentally, the devil is played by Dave Grohl.

In 8 Mile, the rap face-off shows the good guy and the bad guy clearly demarkated, with Eminem bringing the odds against himself by going first and doing such an awesome job that the other rapper had no response.

In Padosan, Kishore Kumar and Mehmood both vie for the love of the lead actress via song (Ek chatur naar karke shringaar/Ek chatur naar badi hoshiyaar).

I can't think of anymore right now, but you get the point right? Musical face-offs are awesome, and everyone knows and agrees. Just shove it in your movie/album somewhere, and you've got it made.

PS: My band 'The Hoodwink Circle' has a song called "Mirror'd", which is about this guy who is singing in front of his mirror (the verse), and the mirror sings back to him in the pre chorus. Finally, they both sing the chorus together. Both parts are sung by different people (Vocalist sings the verses, the guitarist sings the pre-choruses). The song's there on our site. The site's there on this page. Sorry about the inadvertent PR. Emphasis on INADVERTANT.

The Brothel

2009-07-23T01:01:00.006+05:30

I get a lotta shit from my fraaands for not having a girlfriend. You know what i mean, right? When all the people around you aren't single, and you're left alone. Except for Nissim, of course. Sorry, man. But it's just you and me now. Anyhow, they keep telling me about how i should get a girlfriend and 'utilize my own resources'. By that, they mean my house. My empty house. Anyway, this blog isn't about me not having a girlfriend. It's about the house.

Hypo-fucking-critical bastards my friends are. In a week, i'll have people staying over at least 3 nights. I've even been called home when i was out myself (i didn't go back, of course. But still). They'll all go to 'chill' with their respective women, and when it's too late to go home, they'll come here. I SAID, they'll come here (You can't escape the blues, man). It's like a fucking whorehouse. But you gotta admit, it IS awesome.

Initially, my friends used to come with their 'female companions', and go to seperate rooms to have 'engaging conversation'. Not saaaax, of course. But a little making out and shit. Anyway, it got outta hand when i left my friends home alone. It's not like they were humping and all, but my maid still caught them kissing, right? At least, i hope it was just that. I really don't wanna know. So after that little episode, couples weren't allowed home for a while. It's not happened at home since, and personally i AM a little glad.

Not because i don't want people fooling around at my place. No no. But because i don't WANT to know. You know, if it happens outside my place, i won't really know, right? At my place. Ugh.

PS: I stayed over at karuns place about thrice a week in the hols, so i can't talk. But i will, because it is my blog. Hah. I win.

"Get The Junk Out!"

2009-07-21T22:13:00.004+05:30

Today, as i left my room to make that fateful trip to the dining room for dinner, i chanced upon my mother in not the best of moods. The wise thing to do on her part (well, the less womanly thing anyway) would've been to ignore me and go about her brooding/frustration. That i would happily tolerate. However, my mother being the orderliness freak that she is, immediately reminded me of my promise to clean out my cupboard. Her bad mood coupled with the fact that i had promised to do the said deed weeks ago proved enough persuasion for me to finally go and do it. And i did. Believe it or not. I just cleaned out ONE compartment, which took me about half an hour.

You wouldn't believe the stuff that came out. I'm still recovering from the nostalgic jolt that i just experienced. It's the kinda stuff that can be illustrated by the following example:

The Scene: Everybody Loves Raymond. Raymond's having a garage sale, and his wife (i forget her name) makes him clean out his cupboard to "get rid of all of his junk". In doing so he finds his prized Mickey Mantle (or some baseball player with a similar name) signed baseball, which his wife refers to as 'junk that you'd forgotten about till you just found it again'. To which Raymond says, "I hadn't forgotten about it, i'd tucked it away carefully at the back of my cupboard for safekeeping."

I found all my old notes, my class 11 assignments, my school board exam papers, my school answer papers, my school report cards, my school evaluation cards, my assignments, all of my handouts, my projects etc etc etc.

Anyway, i also found a lot of junk (literally) that my maid had just dumped in my cupboard, and hence i put it next to the bin. By junk, i mean my own junk. I'm not gonna ruin someone else's memories by such loose term usage; even though this IS Politically Incorrect Tendencies. If my mum saw what i'd kept, i'm positive she'd throw away half of the stuff, and seeing that it really has no point anyway, i can see her point. I still keep it, though. And fuck you, i'm not justifying myself.

I have an uncle who'd kept his toys and shit from his childhood carefully for his kid to play with, not realising that they'd get outdated. And they did. His kid (my cousin) plays his nintendo and suchshite, while the uncles old toys lie in the attic. Throughout my childhood, my folks cited the same uncle as an example every time i broke my toys (the few toys that i fucking got). Now, i wish i could say 'HA!' to them, but cheekiness is not tolerated in the family.

PS: Of course, the uncle could've kept his toys because of cheapness. You never know. Although i doubt it, seeing that he had this high paying corporate job with Aditya Birla. Anyway, now they're fucked na. Yup, he probably foresaw that, and hence kept his toys. Now he'll sell them and live the rest of his life on the money. Yup, that's why he kept the toys. Balls to the kids.

PPS: Dinner was conveniently forgotten about, by the way. Ciao.

College Festival Rants

2009-07-20T22:47:00.004+05:30

I will now proceed to quote Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, in Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire:

The Context: At the Yule Ball (something similar to a prom), Hermione goes with Viktor Krum, a Bulgarian student from the infamous school 'Durmstrang'. Incidentally, Viktor is pitched against Harry in the triwizard cup, and is hence his rival.

Hermione (Defending herself to Ron): "The Triwizard Cup was setup to promote international magic friendliness and cooperation."

To which Ron replies: "That's not what you're doing! You're fraternising with the enemy!"

In many ways, this is similar to what happens in college festivals in Mumbai. Well, at least those with a lot of competing colleges. There's always a strong hatred for the rivals, and 'fraternising with the enemy' is instant ostracization for ze person involved. This doesn't work out as healthy competition at all. In fact, it doesn't even help unity building within college contingents. It's just this vicious rivalry, which has no point or reason.

An Example: At our college festival, one of the college contingents raised an issue when a competing college's student had come as as judge for a Junkapella (one of our events), citing bias as an overruling influence in judgement. Fair enough. Anyway, i heard the event head tell this to one of the committee members, to which the committee member responded: "Which contingent raised this issue?" in a weary oh-i-hate-them-whiny-fucking-contingents voice. The event head replied "Which contingent do you think?", with an obvious look on his face. I was baffled, but the committee member immediately said: "Jaihind?".

People forget the whole point of college festivals. I've seen organisers so fucking anal about pointless minor issues, i've seen organisers so stressed because of continual complaints all around, and i've seen participants shamelessly poke fun at the organisers. Like, you know, mean stuff. People forget that the aim is to make friends and interact.

I could write this so much better. Better said, this could be written so much better. I've seen college festivals, and for some reason, i can't transfer the bitterness that i feel into writing. But it is sad. With bigger prizes in events, the competition becomes more and more unhealthy. The reason for the event's existence is diluted, and the point/aim of the event is lost in the frenzy to win. And most of the contingents don't even enjoy themselves. Ask everyone (not just anyone) who goes to Malhar.

"You're Off!"

2009-07-16T23:28:00.003+05:30

I've been recording a few tracks here and there, and the biggest headache involved is playing 'in time'. See, when you record a song, you start off by deciding it's tempo, which is measured in bpm, or beats per minute. Once you have a bpm set in mind, you set the metronome/click track, and start recording. You do this to 'stay in time', ie so that you don't go off or keep changing/fluctuating your tempo; and it's an essential part of recording music.

Of course, people can argue that one doesn't really need a metronome, and that tiny fluctuations don't matter. I guess that's okay in a live recording, as you can rely purely on band 'tightness'. But when you're recording each track seperately, you need something to go by. Hence the click track. Metronome. Whatever-the-fuck-ever.

Anyway, the biggest problems that most musicians face is recording with a click track on, as one tends to ignore the tempo and 'go with the flow', which most often leads to tempo fluctuations. This is called 'going off'. It's the worst fucking insult you can give to a musician. Only continual practise with a metronome can help, and since noone does this, they all get fucked when it comes to recording in studios etc.

The other day, i had to go and record a song in a studio, and try as i might, i couldn't do one perfect take. I kept going off and off and off, and the most disheartening sight is that of the engineer frustrated. Finally, after about 4 hours of non-stop recording, i managed to finish my song. My part of the song. Painful, but i managed.

I had to get it out of my system, sorry. I know this is a boring post. Sigh. The worst part (for you) is that this actually has helped me.

Heroes Vs Lost

2009-07-14T18:37:00.006+05:30

This is the question isn't it? The ultimate question. Douglas Adams had it all wrong. No one cares about life and suchshite. It's all about sci-fi, man. Sci-fucking-fi. Heroes Vs Lost. The Ultimate Question.

Before i delve any deeper into this topic, let me first state that i care not whether they are in different time slots, or if they are both NBC shows, or if they aren't really competitors, or even if they have 'totally different Target Audiences'. I say what i see, and i dig no further.

The Perception: (Disclaimer-this may not be true)

Heroes is more childish, and definitely has more youngster appeal. Kids (12 up) can comprehend it with relative ease, non-linear time frames notwithstanding. It was fucking kickass initially, but it lost (heh) steam halfway through the second season, and most fans simply stopped watching due to pure boredom. Most of the characters, though well built, are shown to be too confused about priorites. The resemblance to x-men is too uncanny. The most powerful people are the biggest panzees.

Lost is complex, mature, and an acquired taste (unless you see the thriller parts of the episodes). It's really fucking confusing, and has intense character work. Very original plot line, expect the unexpected (sheesh).

Ishaan's Opinion:

I wasn't too fond of Lost till i saw 'The Constant', and later episodes. I'm a sucker for time-travel, and Lost depicted something that i had never even considered. My interest was revitalised, till the season finale (Season 4). I've heard that there's much more time travel in the coming season, and i'll have to wait and see. I don't have high hopes, though. As opposed to Heroes, where i have HUGE hopes. Heroes always revolves around saving the world, the battle to be recognized and the struggle against being pushed into the background. Quite simple, but the depiction of the superpowers/abilities is what i feel differentiates it from other such concepts. Each power has it's own theme (as in, musical score), and this is the constant every time an ability is shown. I quite like this.

You know, i'd like to leave this post with an open ending. Something like: 'i leave you with the facts, deduce for yourselves', or 'i will now let you draw your own conclusions', or 'i leave you with the opinions, make up your own mind'. But i have to say this: To me, it's just superpowers with time travel Vs confusion about whether time travel exists ot not/and a whole lotta other shite.

And Heroes wins. FUCK Lost.

PS: I will admit, however, that i've seen each and every Heroes episode, as opposed to just 4 seasons of Lost. However, just as knowing 2 chords can qualify you to be a lead guitarist in a punk rock band, this qualifies me to do this comparision.

PPS: I do love punk rock.

PPPS: What the fuck is Prison Break?

Spontaneity Anonymous

2009-07-08T16:00:00.006+05:30

People keep talking about how therapeutic it is to write a blog spontaneously. The pleasure that one experiences with the release of the emotions via the blog, and yadda yadda. I picture it like this: One starts writing, keeps writing, keeps 'going with the flow', finishes writing, and presses 'post'. This, to me, seems like the ideal spontaneous blog. If this is how it's done, then i am ze complete failure.

I try, you know. I try my best to be grammatically correct the first time i write. I try my best to sound good the first time i pen my sentences. But i seemply CANNOT. For this reason, i have to reread all my posts at least twice to ensure that no grammar errors filter through. Now, during this grammar-error-filter process, i find that when i reread my shite, i tend to edit out a lot of the stuff i originally meant to write; either because i cringe at the it's thought, or because it just 'doesn't feel right'. Hence, i lose all spontaneity.

It's near impossible to be happy with the first attempt; at least for me. So even if i try to pour my emotions out onto ze blog, i'll end up editing out all the parts that 'sound too faggoty'. Hence, i end up with a fucking normal post. With no emotion whatsoEVER.

I guess (alright, HOPE) this'll change after a lot of blogging; but i highly doubt it.

Some Nice Trivia: The word 'blog' doesn't exist in the UK Dictionary.

Food & Its Awesomeness

2009-06-30T22:41:00.008+05:30

People judge. That, in my opinion, is the basic rule of existence in this world. You're going to be judged by all that you do and don't do, intentionally or unintentionally. One simply cannot do an action in the presence of others, or one that they know of without being judged for it. This, i think, is the one of the cons of being given the ability to choose what we want. Of course, once you're judged, it's very hard to negate it's effect on the way people treat you/talk to and about you from then on. Hence, first impressions matter a great deal. Personally, i love judging people, much as i hate being judged myself. One of my favourite tactics is: Food.

I see people eat all the time. At my canteen, outside my house, in my house, in my friends houses, wherever i go. Hence, i can say with a good deal of confidence that i can know a person by the way they eat, what they eat, and most importantly, why they think that they eat the way they eat. I will go so far as to myself a food connoisseur, if you will. I place a great deal of (somewhat unnecessary) emphasis on food, and being a diehard foodie (fuck you, judge me all you want), i feel this is justified.

First, let me tell you about my habits. I have two clear demarkations which define how i eat on a particular day. My money status ie Lots Of Money or No Money. Let's look at No Money first: On college days, i wake up and head straight to college, most probably with nothing in my stomach apart from milk or badaam. Then, no food in college, apart from maybe some biscuits or a small vada paav. Then, the next meal will be at home (lunch). After that, i'll go wherever i have to go, and probably grab some more vada paavs at the station. Dinner at home, again, and then nothing till breakfast. Now, let's look at the Lots Of Money scenario. Wake up in the morning and run to the sandwich wala. Grab a quick sandwich as an excuse to get change for the cab ride to college. Then, in my break, i grab a pepsi/chole puri or whatever. After lectures are done, i'll probably have a tri cone outside college at Shree Sai. Maybe even another maaza, or puri bhaji/misal paav. Then, the cab ride home. Just before reaching home, i'll grab a nimbu paani. A small lunch (just for the name) at home. Then off to the chinese waala with whoever i can drag along for some triple chicken. Then, some respite for the stomach till evening, when i'll either have paratha or bread butter. Then again, a small dinner, and sleep. Sounds great, does it not? It really is.

You know, i really see no point in telling you how i judge you when i see you eat, seeing that you're judging me right now. Seeing that you've JUDGED me now. So, yet again, i haven't accomplished what i set out to accomplish, but i do feel satisfied. So, yet again, i won't fulfil the aim of the post.

I WILL, however, give you one small example of my judgement methods. If i hear someone say, "I eat my food slowly as i like to enjoy every morsel", then all my respect for them is gone. One cannot enjoy food by eating it slowly. The aim of eating is to fill the stomach, and enjoy yourself in the process, not the other way around. Why prolong torture? Fill the stomach fast, and after that is accomplished, enjoy the food all you want. If you can't enjoy food on a full stomach, then you can't really call yourself a food-appreciator.

Little known trivia: There exist in the stomach, two separate compartments, clearly demarcated for food. One, is the starters and main course compartment; and the other is a dessert compartment. The two function completely independently of each other. One can be empty and craving food, and the other can be painstakingly full. They do NOT share food. When one eats, one must take into consideration both compartment's needs.

Laziness Anonymous

2009-06-28T22:14:00.007+05:30

It's been almost 2 weeks since the rains started, and i haven't even gotten wet once. Pathetic. What's happened to my old self? Last year, i got wet almost every time it rained, be it on walks or mini cycle expeditions; and last year's rain turnout (yes, i like to call it that) was dreadful. Year before last, i got wet the most number of times; and most significantly, i lost a LOT of weight cycling in the rain. And cycling in the rain, by the way, isn't that easy. But the best experience, easily, was in my FY degree college, during those magical month(s) when i was still in Xaviers. Full force wind, full force rain, no traffic, marine drive. Easily one of my best memories. I couldn't hear shite because of the roaring wind, which also kept throwing me off course. The rain was coming down so hard, that i stung my face, and i actually felt like i was in a huge fucking shower. I cycled for about an hour around town, and then stopped for some 'garma garam' vada pav, a sandwich, and a chai. The best part about all of this was that i didn't have an ipod. So i could actually enjoy everything around me, and not be distracted. Now, whenever i walk around, i barely notice anything, too intent on my fucking music. And yet, i don't miss not having an ipod. I don't seem to miss them happy memories.

I see myself now. I'm either at home doing nothing; or chilling out with friends; or jamming; or at college. I've had so many oppurtunities to get my cycle repaired, and yet, i don't do it. I could've gone for a walk, but i chose not to, again. I could've just gone to my terrace, and yet, i chose to fucking sit on facebook and torture myself with that heavenly pit-patter in the background. Why is this happening? Where is my enthusiasm? Why can't i push myself to make the smallest effort?

Why am i so content with watching TV, sitting on facebook, reading blogs, reading my mail, checking my band ka site, and sitting at home? Why can't i just 'wander' like i used to?

Musical Intolerance Anonymous

2009-06-27T00:31:00.008+05:30

I will now proceed to narrate two seperate incidents. Both involve the opinions (and hence the actions) of Bombay music 'fans'.

Incident 1: I-Rock (ie Independence Rock) 2008. The venue was this huge playground in Andheri, and there was a whole list of kickass bands that were set to compete, like Black and (eventual winners) Silver. There was also one band (i forget the name) from the 'North East'. This Band From the North East had the usual four instrumentalists ie Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer and Vocalist. In addition to these, they also had a DJ and a rapper; and their music was a mix of rock and rap elements. Sounds a lot like Linkin Park, right? No. They actually covered Metalingus by Alter Bridge (This was the Edge's theme song. Yes. The Edge. From WWE. Not U2), and their vocalist nailed the high parts. 'Twas fuckin' insane, and i loved 'em. Sadly, the crowd didn't feel the same. The moment they stepped on stage, the crowd saw the rapper in his baggy pants, long jersey, weird-ass bandana etc (You know the stereotype), and immediately started booing. Their set was tight, and pretty good, in my opinion; but they got booed off stage. Just because they had a rapper.

Incident 2: I'm at college, and this girl comes to me and asks me what i'm listening to. She sees Jay-Z & Linkin Park - Dirt Off Your Shoulders/Lying From You on my ipod; and immediately shrieks something about how hip hop really isn't music, and how Linkin Park is for 'wannabes'. She then sees CCR on my ipod and goes: "Why can't you listen to some of the other stuff on your ipod? Like CCR. They're so good." I wasted about half an hour trying to justify myself to her. Didn't work. For the rest of my time at college, i'm now branded as 'that hip hop liker'.

In a way, i like talking to non-musicians about music, because they are very rarely biased when it comes to genres. I find that they can listen to disco, hip hop, heavy metal and even jazz; and appreciate all of them in their own way. They won't judge me if they see me listening to Jay-Z or Franz Ferdinand. Somewhere along the line, musicians lose this.

The point here is: The Bombay audience is NOT musically tolerant. I know people who judge me because i listen to punk rock, to hip hop, to funk, and even to pop. If i listen to punk rock, then i'm an amateur musician who can barely play anything, so i make do with simple songs. If i listen to pop, then i don't know shite about music anyway. If i listen to hip hop, then don't even consider me, because hip hop doesn't count as music. If i listen to progressive music, specifically progressive rock, then respect, because that shit is only meant for true listeners. Respect, even if i really 'donno shite'.

The music i listen to does not define the kind of person i am. The person i am dictates the kind of music i listen to; and i tell myself that i should be able to appreciate any kind of music.

PS: I could've researched and gotten all the necessary names; but then i decided not to on account of laziness and sleepiness.

Weighing Adam Lambert

2009-06-23T11:47:00.007+05:30

Now see here, let me tell you straight out that i'm no fan of American Idol. In my opinion, the show is nothing but an overdose of overhyped judgemental gallantry along with camera staring contestants. I watch episodes selectively, and only for the music. Now, I don't mean to sound like them Metallica fans who love Megadeth "for the music", but i sincerely feel that the music on American Idol just about makes up for the theatrics and Paula Abdul, and that is QUITE an achievement.

I remember seeing the episode in which Slash was the mentor; i mean, i can see now the reason why his face is hidden in most of his videos. Anyhow, in the same episode, Kris did Come Together by the Beatles; and the Dude With The Glasses did Dream On by Aerosmith. I missed Allison's performace, and i'm gonna dedicate a full paragraph (!) to what Adam did in the same episode. That's my dedication to the vocal brilliance that is Adam Lambert. Anyway, I remember wanting to murder the Dude With The Glasses after hearing his scream. Let's face it, this season, we all know who the true screamer is. What really pissed me off, though, was the fact that the judges kept going: "Oh, that's not his genre, you see. He's not a rock-guy at heart. He should've just stuck to Rod Stewart. Let's give him another chance" and suchshite. What, pray, is the point of getting Slash as a mentor if you're not even gonna sing his genre? Why let the Dude With The Glasses stay just because he was out of his comfort zone. The aim, surely, is to perform regardless of the situation presented to you, isn't it? I mean, look at Kris. Personally, i think his version of Come Together was FUCKIN' A. I loved it. Now see, this isn't because of a personal bias. I hate the song. I've had to perform it with 3 different bands, and i'm SICK (to the core) of the groove. But still, i enjoyed it. I mean, don't look at it all oh-there's-nothing-different-about-it. If you like the groove, you like the song; and i think Paula and the other humpers overjudged Kris a bit there. But don't get me wrong, i hate Kris as well. Anyway, now to the previously promised paragraph (check the alliteration!).

The paragraph about Adam Lambert. This is it. The first time a Zeppelin song was done on the show. Man, if there were a single guy in the world i'd turn gay for, it'd be Adam Lambert. Even though a whole lotta people might've hated the performace, you've gotta give a whole lotta love to Adam for doing a Zeppelin song, in the first place. I mean, this isn't Rockstar Supernova, this is American Idol. The moment you do something like that, you alienate probably half of your own fans, and unite all the other contestants fans against you. And yet, he came out on top. Man, is he awesome.

You know, i sincerely thought that this post would be one with a point. I actually thought i'd end this post with 'what i'm basically trying to say is: ....'. You know what i mean, right? But the point is, i don't have a point. I don't a summary. I can't fit all of what i just said into one more line. I simply CANNOT reinforce what i've said earlier with an awesome line. That's not how i roll. Not right now, anyway. But hey, i've got no readers anyway.

Just to clear the air, I actually thought about putting a paragraph here appeasing them American Idol fans, you know, them who love the show. I thought about putting up some stuff that'll make them hate me less, you know. Some stuff that'll make them sigh inwardly and say: "Ah, this dude's cool after all."

(Awkward Silence)

PS: Did you know that 'Come Together' was released in 1969? Yes. Nineteen 69. Has anyone made the connection?

The Sleep Cycle

2009-06-22T18:05:00.001+05:30

I always used to wonder, when i was in school, about why my parents slept so early. They're adults, i figured, nobody tells them what to do! They can sleep whenever they want to. So why sleep early? I always used to feel mad inside when i was forced to sleep early (seeing that i had to get up early). What was the point, i used to ask myself, of sleeping early, if one wasn't sleepy?

Fast forward 5 years. I'm in my fifth and final year in college. My parents are all cool about pretty much everything now, and i sleep whenever i want to sleep, which basically means that i sleep when i feel sleepy. And do i feel awesome now? Do i feel better in the day as compared to how i felt when i used to have a definite sleep pattern? Sounds like quite the 'old fuck' talk, but think about it. Suppose all your friends slept at the same time as you (whatever time you want it to be), and were awake during the same hours as you, would you still sleep late? What kind of cycle would you keep, knowing that you wouldn't get bored when you're awake?

Of course, the moment parental pressure on me reduced, i used to stay up till 2 am at LEAST, which was a big deal for me. But this was mainly a revolt against my folks for not letting me sleep late. So we can discount that period of time.

Finally, the answer to all the questions mentioned earlier. Do i enjoy staying up late? Would i do it, given the scenarios mentioned earlier? The answer (for me, at least) is FUCK, YEAH! When i stay up late, i enjoy solitude, tranquility, and chill out time. This may sound gay, but it is fucking AWESOME! And when everyone else is asleep, the house is all mine. I can do what i want, provided i don't disturb them.

Of course, the only drawback is the fact that college is there in the morning the next day. If college were in the afternoon (for a short time span), then i think conditions would be ideal for a late sleep.

However, one must keep in mind that sleep should not be distributed over the course of the day. It should be in one go. This (in my case, at least) ensures no sleepiness for the rest of the day. Unless, of course, induced by boredom.

One final observation: meals. I find the 'eat what you want, when you want' policy quite effective. Although i generally tend to keep my first meal after getting up a breakfasty kinda meal.

PS: I'm allowed to use adjectives like 'gay', because the name of my blog is POLITICALLY INCORRECT TENDENCIES. Just to clear the air, though, when i say gay, i mean cliche. Of course, this doesn't mean that all gay dudes are cliche. No no. No.

The Orientation/Anti-Grey Hair Love Song

2009-06-21T22:33:00.002+05:30

I am Ishaan Krishna. That's right. Ishaan Krishna. A Punjabi name, with a Tamil sirname. The story of my life, really. The fence straddling me. Anyhow, i feel that this is not the appropriate time to reveal myself to you, the unsuspecting reader. Hence, i tap into what i'm feeling right now.

You might have heard the following saying, or at least a variation of it. Anyway:

"If you pluck a grey hair, 5 more will come up"

Well, it is my belief, that this, like quite a few other 'famous sayings', is one with a hidden agenda. I feel that it's made just to make people with grey hair feel better. There. I said it. It couldn't be more obvious. It's not like it's a revelation, you know. It's not like there was something about the saying that struck me so differently. I state the obvious here. There's nothing new in what you're reading.

Seeing that i'm saturated already, i think it's time to pack up. Maybe this 'blog' thing wasn't that good an idea anyway. I hope i manage to keep this up.

Finally, if you were expecting some politically incorrect thoughts, then you'll have to wait a lil' bit. Current saturation levels are breached.