Monday, September 28, 2009

The Exams

The reason for the no updates is, of course, the exams. The worries are keeping from writing. I am hence sorry about the not writing part.

Of course, it'd be better if the worries made me study, but never mind. Maybe later then.

PS: Venice Queen - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Manchester United Haters Anonymous

Let me start off by noting the significance of this date: it is the 20th of September, 2009. 20/09/2009, that is. 20092009, if you haven't got it yet.

Now, before i make my point with this post, there is a little information that you, the reader must know, especially those who don't follow football much. See, before this English Premier League season started, Manchester City was bought over by some rich fuckers who shoved all their money into Mark Hughes' ass in an attempt to bring in quality to their side (which they were painfully lacking). Mark Hughes, in response to the ass money shoving goes on a buying spree, bringing in players from all over. From among these players, he brought in Adebayor and Toure from Arsenal; and Tevez from Manchester United. There were a lot of other players brought in as well, but these were the high profile/controversial transfers. So now, Manchester City has become something of a super-squad of players from all over, much like Chelsea started their own spree about 4 years ago. Now, the transfers i mentioned were controversial because the players were integral players to their respective teams, and these players themselves claimed to be 'loyal'. You get the drift. So naturally, these players are hated by their old club fans for their hypocrisy, and this is justified. Anyway, Manchester City played Arsenal a couple of weeks back, and the hostility between the fans and Adebayor was pretty evident, and it escalated to a near dangerous level after the game. The fans, especially were screaming and booing at him from all angles; and he didn't exactly try and win them over himself. This week, Manchester City traveled to their age old rivals Manchester United, from whom they had taken Tevez before this season started. Throughout and before the game, Tevez maintained a sombre demeanour, showing no signs of aggression. His football remained the same, but his attitude was remarkably happy; and he ignored all the booing that the Manchester United fans were throwing at him. The fans, on the other hand, kept booing him more and more every time he touched the ball; and they didn't stop at any point in the game.

In interests of saving time, from now on, Manchester United is called 'United' and Manchester City is called 'City'.

I tried not keeping that too biased, but anyway, here's my theory: the United fans saw the extreme hatred of Adebayor and Toure that the Arsenal fans harboured, they, being the bandwagon humping chawnds that they are, immediately started the anti-Tevez furore. Adebayor publicly dissed Arsenal and it's fans; and therefore earned (or justified) his hatred. Tevez didn't do any of that; and yet suffered a whole lot more than he deserved. Even though he didn't show it, i'm sure he felt it; and he must be applauded for playing superbly under pressure (what a Harsha Bhogle sentence that is).

I hence hate Manchester United fans for their bandwagon tendencies and overtly dramatical theatrics. Fuck you, Man yew.

A lot of my friends are Man U fans, and true to the custom, they too have that fucking superiority complex that they don't deserve. Manchester United are exactly what Leeds are portrayed as in 'Damned United'; and Surd Alex is truly just a wannabe Clough.

PS: I appreciate Rooney's skills, and i'm dazzled by Evra, but that doesn't take away from the point of this post. Let Me Entertain You - Robbie Williams and Slow Cheetah - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

My Mondegreen (Another Alliteration-also an alliteration)

So i was listening to 'Make Me Pure' by Robbie Williams, and it's come to my attention that the defining line of the song is "Make me pure, but not yet". Now, there's nothing that remarkable or extraordinary about this line. It's a nice line, and a James Bond reference and all of that. Now the embarrassing part. I thought it was "Make me pure, not gay", and i mentioned this here.

See, it's not that bad because someone told me that that was the lyric. So my mind made me hear it like that when i heard the song, and i was hence fooled into thinking that that was the actual lyric. Now, however, it sounds exceedingly stupid. Anyway, this post was just to clear this fact. I didn't want to edit an earlier post and shit. That's fucking hypocritical, man.

Now that that's outta the way, let me inform you that i love GTA III. Violence is the best.

PS: Make Me Pure by Robbie Williams (Again).

Monday, September 14, 2009

Punctuation Anonymous

In case you don't know, this is how it works in Mumbai: You finish school at the 10th grade, after which you enter what is known as 'Junior College' till the 12th grade. This is pretty much the same as normal college, only the teachers care a little bit more. After clearing your 12th grade exams, you enter senior college till the 15th grade, which is when you pass out with your degree. There are board exams at Grade 10, Grade 12 and Grade 15; and these are essential as their outcomes define what college/workplace you get into. In some places, you have regular school till Grade 12, after which one can joing senior college. There are plenty of variations, but this is the basic format. To get to the next year, you HAVE to pass the year you are in.

In junior college, the functioning is a little different from school and senior college. There is no homework and there are no projects. There are two exams per annum, one at the end of every semester. So obviously, there are two semesters every year. However, in senior college, there are continuous projects and homework etc; and generally, everyone has to get a printed copy of their project. Handwritten work is rare, unapproved of and generally qutie shoddy. So everyone either mails their projects to the teachers or prints them and submits them as a hard copy. There is hence a lot of copy pasting and work plagiarism involved, but it's all part of the experience.

Now see, i'm at Grade 15. I've been through it ALL. In school, we had to submit handwritten assignments; in junior college, we had unit tests and shite, and in the 3 years of senior college, we've had a shitload of projects, an overwhelming majority of which are done on the computer. My point is this: because of my continual project work on the computer, i know all about punctuation, because Microsoft Word (thank God for it) immediately points of grammar and punctuation discrepancies. Hence, i know that you put a space after a full stop or a comma. I didn't know this initially, but i fucking learned over 3 years.

Yet, somehow, most of my peers are fucking clueless. I dunno, maybe noone corrects them, or maybe they enjoy seeing those red and green curvy lines in Word, or maybe they just don't fucking know; but the point is: you've had 3 fucking years at the very least to learn about punctuation and shit. Some people have worked, like with a salary and shit; some people have interned somewhere or the other and others have even studied abroad; and yet, the punctuation errors keep unfolding. I could do a Russel Peters and say that it's all because Indians refuse to learn and shit, but i really don't want excuses being made for them (Not Indians, but them who don't know the rules of THE PUNCTUATION).

My peers send me 20 to 30 page long (at the very least) projects without bothering to proof read or correct their punctuation lapses; and it indeed is painful to do.

I may not be the best person to work with in a project, but when it comes to proof reading and shit, at least my fucking punctuation is on. That is the most basic courtesy. An unpunctuated document is like an alien. It's existence is of NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCE TO ANYONE. I still wonder why people think aliens existence matters. You think they spend billions of their currency to check if we exist?

PS: It's not a rant, man. I hate that word. I'm listening to Crackerman by Stone Temple Pilots.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

"No Change, Boss"

Frustration is a common emotion in metropolises. You know, the frustration one feels while stuck in a traffic jam, or while waiting in a long line for a ticket, or while waiting for your order at McDonalds, or when the lecture just doesn't seem to end. Those, and a thousand more. If you, the reader, can think of more tickets to frustration, then please do, and let me know. For it is always a pleasure to see other sources of frustration. I always enjoy misery more than happiness. Others misery, that is. A good example of this is Simon Cowell (the British judge from 'American Idol'). People keep questioning his cynicism (which, coincidentally is why he's there as a judge in the first place), and he keeps trying to tell people: If he sees someone doing well for themselves or being a success, he doesn't 'feel happy for the person'. He hates it, and you can choose to live in denial, but you can't deny you feel the same as well. Unless it's your own achievements we're talking about, obviously (but you know that).

Anyway, my primary source of frustration is the blank look that cabbies, ticket counter waalas and sellers give you when you hand them a big note (say Rs. 100 and higher). "No change, boss" is the general refrain, and this is painful; because then the hunt for change begins. The moment one sees the face, one realizes that one has lost 5 minutes at the very least.

However, let's delve into this a bit further. Who is at fault here? Is it the cabbie, who always gives the dirty look that says: "How is it my fault if you don't have change?"; or is it the consumer, who's logic is: "I have money to pay him, it's only fair that he should have change for me." The cabbies invariably argue for ages with you once you tell them you don't have change. It is apparently your own fault if you enter a cab and don't have fucking change. You have enough money to pay me, but i don't have enough to ensure you pay me what i deserve and not more.

My solution: Before i enter cabs, i ask them: "D'you have change for a hundred bucks?". It's worked so far.

A friend of mine told me a story that made my blood boil. He was sitting in the back of a cab when the cabbie broke a signal and got caught. The moment he saw the police guy coming for him, he reached into about 5 different pockets all over his body, took out about 2000 rupees and handed it to my friend for safekeeping. When the 'hawaldar' finally came, he handed him 200 bucks saying: "This is all i have". Anyway, the point of this story is: Don't let them cab fuckers fool you into believing they don't have change. They have so much change that their fucking hands gleam of silver everytime a rainbow comes up in the sky. Cabbies are evil, man. EEEVAAELLLL.

PS: I'm listening to Surrender by Billy Talent, and it is indeed awesome.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Fence Straddling

What do i deeply detest? I hate when people always put up their sorrows online. I hate when people keep posting rants and worries on their blogs/tweets/facebook statuses/personal messages etc. It's okay if you do it once in a way. By that, i mean say, once a month; but anything more than that and it's just fucking attention seeking. I know, i know, people can argue that depression is the most common emotion and all, but don't fucking spread it. I have 'friends' who continuosly post shit like: "i'm so down today", "i hate my lyf" and "sad song lyric". Nothing depresses me more.

However, now i can relate just a little bit. I haven't blogged at all this last week for two reasons: Firstly because i just didnn't have anything to say; and second because i've spent most of my free time worrying about my academic scene. I'll talk about that in a later post, once it's all worked out. Anyway, this worry dogs me wherever i go, whatever i do. It's this nagging thing at the back of my head that just doesn't fucking leave. I just figured out (as i'm writing this) that it's my conscience.

I realize that in my attempt to not be like them fuckers who do keep writing sad, sentimental and deeply emotional posts, i'm just stuck being funny. There's no other option, and this works against me when i'm not doing that well emotionally. Which is, as they say it in Mumbai, the ''fuck-up''.

In direct contrast to these Emotionally Public People are the Always Must Be Funny/Always Must Be On Top People. These people MUST always be funny, and they NEED the upper hand. I realize i shouldn't be either of these, and hence, this is my way of not being funny, and hence being funny at the same time. It's my fucking solution, and whether it works or not is of no consequence. Unless i get hate mail, of course. But like some media fuck said:
I'm not fucking quoting media people man, what do you think i am? Sheesh.

PS: I'm listening to Make Me Pure Not Gay by Robbie Williams and Cheer Up by Reel Big Fish.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Rules Of 'The Picture'

This post is applicable to Facebookers only.

An excellent way to track sexism is via pictures. Let's dwell on that thought for a while. Everyone strives to have the perfect picture face. You know, the one that's neither too fake nor too attention seeking. One doesn't want to piss off the facebook judgers. A big huge smile that radiates happiness can't work, as people around you will judge you and say: 'How fake'. A non-smiling face can't work, as people will say: 'What's the point of that?'. The perfect picture is one with a hint of a smile; with preferably 5-6 comments under it. For this, one must have sufficient skill in front of a camera-the art of holding a smile for a long time without it losing it's shine. Women are born with this talent, and this is the sexism i was referring to.

Apart from the nice smile pictures, one is also allowed bonuses like a special 'fruity' picture or one that shows a hint of intimacy. Just a hint. The fruity picture can't be too kinky, otherwise one will be judged yet again. One can't have too many fruity pictures too. The risk of being judged is too high.

There's always that minutely embarrasing picture that someone has put up that you hate. Hence, you feel but obliged to comment 'eeeeeeeew, take this picture off' about 2-3 times. This is nothing but a plea for attention, and them who fall for this trap are fuckers.

There are also the facebook daredevils, who put up semi-nude pictures of themselves alone; or highly intimate pictures of themselves with the partner; who is also the person they are 'in a relationship with'. The Picture PDA-ers, if you will. What an alliteration.

What people don't realize is that in the struggle not to get judged, they get judged.

If you're wondering what prompted me to write that, or even think all of that, check this out:

PS: I dislike people who think and do everything. Like Rebecca, specifically.

PPS: I'm all for PDA. Really.

PPPS: Apologies for the copyright infringement. But really, noone reads this.