Monday, April 12, 2010

Chuck Pahlianuk's Influence

I think people are more influenced by things that they see and read than they are aware of. Every creative spurt that i go on always seems to stem from some vaguely inspirational theme-musical or written. I proceed on tangents, and think bright. When my mind doesn't ache from thinking, i know i'm thinking well. Every time i try to steel myself to think creatively or try to enforce creativity, i'm just not good enough.

Anyway, this surprise is a result of some serious Chuck Palahniuk reading. I've never been able to start the one book of his that i have, but i think that's now changed. I like how he takes themes and portrays them via situations that make the reader initially uncomfortable, but later on, grudgingly accepting. This submission on the part of the reader takes him/her into tangents that truly explore what Palahniuk wants to say. Anyway, this little thing that i'm about to try is inspired by Maithli Desai's blog. For all those who don't know who Maithli Desai is-she's my classmate at Wilson college.

A little bit about Maithli Desai: characters like her interest me. More often than not, i can tell what drives people, and generally predict their motives. Generally, this leads me onto a trail of cynicism, dislike and scepticism. I see characters who function on simpler wavelengths and who don't have to deal with a lot of stuff purely because of their background, upbringing and parents' character types. Maithli Desai comes from an old fashioned Maharashtrian family based in Lonavla. It is highly likely that she will never come across the types of situations explored in Fight Club, or In Bruges. It'd be interesting to know what she would do in these scenarios. Moving on.

I'm talking to myself here. For the sake of making the narration more linear, i use 1 & 2. This is a Gonzo thing. Or at least it's what i perceive as Gonzo.
1: You need to study right now.

2: No, i don't. I've managed all 4 exams with minimal studying, and i'm pretty confident i'll do average at the very least; which isn't a bad thing. I don't need good marks to continue studying.

1: I get that, but tomorrows paper is Direct Marketing, where no one can give you the kind of pointers that helped you in the earlier exams. You're going to have to read it all and do pointers for 'em all. The portion is huge and the answers are simple.

2: No, you don't know this as a fact. These are assumptions that you're making because of what people have told you about the paper. I haven't read the portion, but i'm sure that if i do, i'll find it exceedingly simple and pointless. I'm pretty sure 2 hours of studying will sort me out for this paper. Everything i do eventually works itself out, and i'm sure this will as well. I know i'll put in a bit of effort, and i know it'll be enough to get me through this paper. It'll be like clockwork, much like the 4 earlier papers that i've written. I may not be even-stevens Jerry Seinfeld, but what if i am?

1: You are impossible. Your overconfidence is going to be the end of you someday. What happens when, say, 20 years down the line, your brain isn't what it is now (because of what you do in your own compound); and you can no longer do this last minute routine and get away with stuff? It is then that you will learn to study like the rest of the people. It is then that you will pay for the fact that you take your own brain for granted.

2: I'll cross that hurdle when i come to it. I've never really functioned like that, and you know it. I will take into account my current scenario and work to use the same to achieve my goals. If my brain works well and i don't need to study much, why should i? God forbid if, later on, my brain doesn't work as well, and i do need to study more, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just study more then. It might be painful, and with luck, i'll avoid this pain throughout my lifetime; but if i don't, then i'll feel the pain when i have to. Right now, i simply don't have to.

1: The pain will be lesser then if you allow yourself to feel it right now. By then, you'll be acquainted with functioning painfully, and therefore the pain will be routine. Routine pain really isn't pain. I don't mean 'Hostel' routine, i mean jogging routine.

2: YOU are incorrigible, idiot. I see two paths ahead of me:
a) Path 1: I won't slog now, i won't study much now. I'll study as much as i need to, i'll get my average to good marks and then i'll continue living my life. Later on, because my brain won't be the same, if i have to study my ass off to be average, i will do so. In this path, i don't slog till i need to. So i experience pleasure now till i simply cannot; after which it'll be one thing at a time.
b) Path 2: I do slog now, so that i get used to slogging. Thus, eventually when my brain does deteriorate, the routine of slogging is just normal, and it won't be so painful then. In this path, i'll experience higher pain at every level throughout; as opposed to the chill-till-simply-can't-afford-to routine in Path 1.

I'm stopping myself now. Self flagellation is painful.

PS: Jackon 5 - ABC; Lupe Fiasco - Solar Midnite.
Also, i'm sorry about the first statement. No matter how hard i try, i cannot seem to make it sound right. Any inputs are welcome.
"It is highly likely that she will never come across the types of situations explored in Fight Club, or In Bruges". What i mean to say is that, at some level, i do come across milder versions of the situations portrayed in these movies. Somehow, i don't think she does.
What i refer to as Gonzo is: stream of consciousness. I write as i think and think as i write.
There's just one reference in the post that i haven't explained, and i cannot bring myself to do it, purely because i'll get into trouble if my family happens to read this someday.
'Hostel' routine is a reference to the movie.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Frustration At Pointless Things

There are times when i feel happy, light hearted and in a general good mood. You know? The sun is bright but not too bright, the breeze is pleasant but not a gale, it's neither too hot or too cold, and i have not a care in the world. Picture yourself in this same scenario. You've just had a leisurely sleep and you're well rested and slightly groggy. At this point of time, your fortune takes a turn and you read this:

Today, my boyfriend begged me not to break up with him. Not because he loved me, but because losing me would mean losing me as a friend on Facebook, then losing me as a neighbour on Farmville, and thus dropping a skill level. FML
#9330219 (197)
I agree, your life sucks (6951) - you totally deserved it (737)
On 03/23/2010 at 2:46pm - love - by iKaite (woman) - United Kingdom

There are times when i love StumbleUpon and the randomness of the internet, and there are times when i want to do the equivalent of pushing an irod rod up a raging bulls behind to the computer. These aren't necessarily related, but the point is that sometimes, things frustrate you. If you feel bad when something really bad happens to you and you're frustrated, imagine how much worse you'll feel if something trivial frustrates you.

Because some things just don't have an explanation.