Unwanted Opinions Anonymous

**I may add, before you read this, that i repeatedly use words that, in India are called "Them Four Letter Words" in this post. Just a warning. To put it bluntly, i use certain expressions in the English language that are used in slang and refer to extremely sexual or dirty things but are actually used either to convey disgust, as expressions of catharsis or for point-emphasis. I apologize for this if you are put off by it. But please bear with me.

I am affected by opinions, be it for movies, music or even people. Sometimes, i call it peer pressure; sometimes i call it bandwagon humping tendencies; but the point is that as much as i hate it, i'm affected by what others think. Opinions make a difference. Just to clear the air, i'm not looking at this in a i-hate-when-people-hate-me sort of way but in a i-hate-when-people-tell-me-a-movie-sucks-when-it-actually-doesn't sort of way. In my opinion, anyway.

Allow me to posit a scenario:

Your friends are chilling together, and they call you to chill with 'em. You go wherever they are, and basically just sit back and relax with them. In this state of 'chilling out' or 'relaxing', several topics of discussion float around, such as women, sports, movies, friends etc. Suddenly, you go: "Dude, have you seen 'Trainspotting'? I'm dying to see it. I saw a bit and it looks insane!". Picture this: they all start laughing and say stuff like: "Fuck yourself, idiot", or "It sucks, idiot", or even "I hate blackcurrant ice cream. Mmmmmmmm." What emotions do you think you'll experience?

For starters, you won't finish the movie. Even if you do, it's ruined. Fucking opinion pushers. I liked 'The Love Guru', and a huge fucking middle finger to whoever didn't.

One cannot avoid opinions. Personally, i'd go crazy if everyone suddenly stopped putting their opinions forth and became very politically correct. The slang for politically correct is PC. Like the magician. Hyperlink! However, i hate vehement bad opinions. They put me off. Sometimes, i hate vehement good opinions as well, but it's the bad ones i detest. Anything in excess is bad. People who attach a lot of emotion with their opinions are unacceptable. People who stress and emphasise every point in the opinion are, unacceptable. Has your friend ever told you a snippet from a movie you haven't seen either to:

a) Get you to watch it, or

b) To make you think of the movie in a favourable light, or

c) To make you think of the friend in a favourable light.

It's time for a true story! Here goes it:

One day, my friend Karun just happened to be sleeping. He does sleep a lot, but he is, after all: Lazy Man (with his trusty sidekick: Lazy Boy). Anyway, because of his slumber, we were forced to go the movies without him. There, we saw "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". Now, as you may or may not know, the movie is shite. Comic lovers especially hated it for reasons that i refuse to get into. Personally, i loved the movie, but after hearing everything everyone else had to say, i kept this piece of information to myself. Moving on, everyone told my friend Karun that the movie sucked. For those who can't understand terminology usage or are from the past or the future, 'sucked' is a bad thing. Do not misinterpret this for your generation. Therefore, because of us, Karun did not have high expectations when he finally got down to seeing the movie; and because of this, he loved it. This is a perfect example of what i'm trying to say. Almost too perfect. But that's how life is. Seemingly too perfect.

PS: I like self referencing. It's why i love 30 Rock: see Season 1, Episode 5: Jack-Tor. I also like Baby I'm Yours - Arctic Monkeys; Dreaming Of You - The Coral and Friend Is A Four Letter Word - Cake.

Grandparents Anonymous

**I've added this at the end of the post. Just a small pointer-I probably don't mean what i say in this post. Enjoy anyway!

I hate old women. I don't know if it's compulsive hatred or an offshoot of some longforgotten childhood trauma; but i hate old women. To be completely honest, i hate MOST old women. Of course, by most, i mean 99% of old women. I see them on the roads, in restaurants, in bazaars and other such old women-ey places; and they keep reinforcing the 'somewhat irrational' hatred. This 'irrational' hatred is entirely superficial, but let that not take away from it's magnitude.

What their body language says (why i hate them):

Their body language is slow. They walk and function slowly not due to old age or tiredness, but with evil intent. Their aim is to show that the world moves according to them. They look like they've lived a hard life and hence expect respect. They give off that no-fucking-nonsense look; and always expect things to go their way-just because they're old. Lastly, and most importantly, they always look pissed off or tired. It is this that pisses me off the most, although i don't discount any of the other factors.

I now feel no need to justify myself further to you; so i move on to the point of this post.

Grandparents-one of the biggest pitendencies that people have.

Grandparents always feel the need to pass on advice. The relevance of the advice is of no consequence; it just acts as tonic to their well fed ego. It plays a self-glorifying role rather than a useful one. They've lived their life to a ripe old age, and they have hence earned the right to pass on advice. I find this revolting.

One can see this in popular culture. The couple will talk about how the mother-in-law is always asking about the price of everything; or about how she is always so critical about the living environment; or about the father-in-law will always want to know where he's invested the stock so that he can show his dissent or approval. This will always be behind their in-laws' back. At a superficial level, everything will seem fine. I hate this.

I'm struggling to find words that can describe how i feel about this 'deserved' discrimination. If an old person is pissing you off, you should be able to tell them the same way you would to any other person. God!

PS: John Scofield - Piety Street. The full album is fucking insane; although it is a bit Gospel lyrically. It's blues gospel, man; so you'll enjoy it either way.

Manchester United Haters Anonymous

Let me start off by noting the significance of this date: it is the 20th of September, 2009. 20/09/2009, that is. 20092009, if you haven't got it yet.

Now, before i make my point with this post, there is a little information that you, the reader must know, especially those who don't follow football much. See, before this English Premier League season started, Manchester City was bought over by some rich fuckers who shoved all their money into Mark Hughes' ass in an attempt to bring in quality to their side (which they were painfully lacking). Mark Hughes, in response to the ass money shoving goes on a buying spree, bringing in players from all over. From among these players, he brought in Adebayor and Toure from Arsenal; and Tevez from Manchester United. There were a lot of other players brought in as well, but these were the high profile/controversial transfers. So now, Manchester City has become something of a super-squad of players from all over, much like Chelsea started their own spree about 4 years ago. Now, the transfers i mentioned were controversial because the players were integral players to their respective teams, and these players themselves claimed to be 'loyal'. You get the drift. So naturally, these players are hated by their old club fans for their hypocrisy, and this is justified. Anyway, Manchester City played Arsenal a couple of weeks back, and the hostility between the fans and Adebayor was pretty evident, and it escalated to a near dangerous level after the game. The fans, especially were screaming and booing at him from all angles; and he didn't exactly try and win them over himself. This week, Manchester City traveled to their age old rivals Manchester United, from whom they had taken Tevez before this season started. Throughout and before the game, Tevez maintained a sombre demeanour, showing no signs of aggression. His football remained the same, but his attitude was remarkably happy; and he ignored all the booing that the Manchester United fans were throwing at him. The fans, on the other hand, kept booing him more and more every time he touched the ball; and they didn't stop at any point in the game.

In interests of saving time, from now on, Manchester United is called 'United' and Manchester City is called 'City'.

I tried not keeping that too biased, but anyway, here's my theory: the United fans saw the extreme hatred of Adebayor and Toure that the Arsenal fans harboured, they, being the bandwagon humping chawnds that they are, immediately started the anti-Tevez furore. Adebayor publicly dissed Arsenal and it's fans; and therefore earned (or justified) his hatred. Tevez didn't do any of that; and yet suffered a whole lot more than he deserved. Even though he didn't show it, i'm sure he felt it; and he must be applauded for playing superbly under pressure (what a Harsha Bhogle sentence that is).

I hence hate Manchester United fans for their bandwagon tendencies and overtly dramatical theatrics. Fuck you, Man yew.

A lot of my friends are Man U fans, and true to the custom, they too have that fucking superiority complex that they don't deserve. Manchester United are exactly what Leeds are portrayed as in 'Damned United'; and Surd Alex is truly just a wannabe Clough.

PS: I appreciate Rooney's skills, and i'm dazzled by Evra, but that doesn't take away from the point of this post. Let Me Entertain You - Robbie Williams and Slow Cheetah - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Punctuation Anonymous

In case you don't know, this is how it works in Mumbai: You finish school at the 10th grade, after which you enter what is known as 'Junior College' till the 12th grade. This is pretty much the same as normal college, only the teachers care a little bit more. After clearing your 12th grade exams, you enter senior college till the 15th grade, which is when you pass out with your degree. There are board exams at Grade 10, Grade 12 and Grade 15; and these are essential as their outcomes define what college/workplace you get into. In some places, you have regular school till Grade 12, after which one can joing senior college. There are plenty of variations, but this is the basic format. To get to the next year, you HAVE to pass the year you are in.

In junior college, the functioning is a little different from school and senior college. There is no homework and there are no projects. There are two exams per annum, one at the end of every semester. So obviously, there are two semesters every year. However, in senior college, there are continuous projects and homework etc; and generally, everyone has to get a printed copy of their project. Handwritten work is rare, unapproved of and generally qutie shoddy. So everyone either mails their projects to the teachers or prints them and submits them as a hard copy. There is hence a lot of copy pasting and work plagiarism involved, but it's all part of the experience.

Now see, i'm at Grade 15. I've been through it ALL. In school, we had to submit handwritten assignments; in junior college, we had unit tests and shite, and in the 3 years of senior college, we've had a shitload of projects, an overwhelming majority of which are done on the computer. My point is this: because of my continual project work on the computer, i know all about punctuation, because Microsoft Word (thank God for it) immediately points of grammar and punctuation discrepancies. Hence, i know that you put a space after a full stop or a comma. I didn't know this initially, but i fucking learned over 3 years.

Yet, somehow, most of my peers are fucking clueless. I dunno, maybe noone corrects them, or maybe they enjoy seeing those red and green curvy lines in Word, or maybe they just don't fucking know; but the point is: you've had 3 fucking years at the very least to learn about punctuation and shit. Some people have worked, like with a salary and shit; some people have interned somewhere or the other and others have even studied abroad; and yet, the punctuation errors keep unfolding. I could do a Russel Peters and say that it's all because Indians refuse to learn and shit, but i really don't want excuses being made for them (Not Indians, but them who don't know the rules of THE PUNCTUATION).

My peers send me 20 to 30 page long (at the very least) projects without bothering to proof read or correct their punctuation lapses; and it indeed is painful to do.

I may not be the best person to work with in a project, but when it comes to proof reading and shit, at least my fucking punctuation is on. That is the most basic courtesy. An unpunctuated document is like an alien. It's existence is of NO FUCKING CONSEQUENCE TO ANYONE. I still wonder why people think aliens existence matters. You think they spend billions of their currency to check if we exist?

PS: It's not a rant, man. I hate that word. I'm listening to Crackerman by Stone Temple Pilots.

Spontaneity Anonymous

People keep talking about how therapeutic it is to write a blog spontaneously. The pleasure that one experiences with the release of the emotions via the blog, and yadda yadda. I picture it like this: One starts writing, keeps writing, keeps 'going with the flow', finishes writing, and presses 'post'. This, to me, seems like the ideal spontaneous blog. If this is how it's done, then i am ze complete failure.

I try, you know. I try my best to be grammatically correct the first time i write. I try my best to sound good the first time i pen my sentences. But i seemply CANNOT. For this reason, i have to reread all my posts at least twice to ensure that no grammar errors filter through. Now, during this grammar-error-filter process, i find that when i reread my shite, i tend to edit out a lot of the stuff i originally meant to write; either because i cringe at the it's thought, or because it just 'doesn't feel right'. Hence, i lose all spontaneity.

It's near impossible to be happy with the first attempt; at least for me. So even if i try to pour my emotions out onto ze blog, i'll end up editing out all the parts that 'sound too faggoty'. Hence, i end up with a fucking normal post. With no emotion whatsoEVER.

I guess (alright, HOPE) this'll change after a lot of blogging; but i highly doubt it.

Some Nice Trivia: The word 'blog' doesn't exist in the UK Dictionary.

Laziness Anonymous

It's been almost 2 weeks since the rains started, and i haven't even gotten wet once. Pathetic. What's happened to my old self? Last year, i got wet almost every time it rained, be it on walks or mini cycle expeditions; and last year's rain turnout (yes, i like to call it that) was dreadful. Year before last, i got wet the most number of times; and most significantly, i lost a LOT of weight cycling in the rain. And cycling in the rain, by the way, isn't that easy. But the best experience, easily, was in my FY degree college, during those magical month(s) when i was still in Xaviers. Full force wind, full force rain, no traffic, marine drive. Easily one of my best memories. I couldn't hear shite because of the roaring wind, which also kept throwing me off course. The rain was coming down so hard, that i stung my face, and i actually felt like i was in a huge fucking shower. I cycled for about an hour around town, and then stopped for some 'garma garam' vada pav, a sandwich, and a chai. The best part about all of this was that i didn't have an ipod. So i could actually enjoy everything around me, and not be distracted. Now, whenever i walk around, i barely notice anything, too intent on my fucking music. And yet, i don't miss not having an ipod. I don't seem to miss them happy memories.

I see myself now. I'm either at home doing nothing; or chilling out with friends; or jamming; or at college. I've had so many oppurtunities to get my cycle repaired, and yet, i don't do it. I could've gone for a walk, but i chose not to, again. I could've just gone to my terrace, and yet, i chose to fucking sit on facebook and torture myself with that heavenly pit-patter in the background. Why is this happening? Where is my enthusiasm? Why can't i push myself to make the smallest effort?

Why am i so content with watching TV, sitting on facebook, reading blogs, reading my mail, checking my band ka site, and sitting at home? Why can't i just 'wander' like i used to?

Musical Intolerance Anonymous

I will now proceed to narrate two seperate incidents. Both involve the opinions (and hence the actions) of Bombay music 'fans'.

Incident 1: I-Rock (ie Independence Rock) 2008. The venue was this huge playground in Andheri, and there was a whole list of kickass bands that were set to compete, like Black and (eventual winners) Silver. There was also one band (i forget the name) from the 'North East'. This Band From the North East had the usual four instrumentalists ie Guitarist, Bassist, Drummer and Vocalist. In addition to these, they also had a DJ and a rapper; and their music was a mix of rock and rap elements. Sounds a lot like Linkin Park, right? No. They actually covered Metalingus by Alter Bridge (This was the Edge's theme song. Yes. The Edge. From WWE. Not U2), and their vocalist nailed the high parts. 'Twas fuckin' insane, and i loved 'em. Sadly, the crowd didn't feel the same. The moment they stepped on stage, the crowd saw the rapper in his baggy pants, long jersey, weird-ass bandana etc (You know the stereotype), and immediately started booing. Their set was tight, and pretty good, in my opinion; but they got booed off stage. Just because they had a rapper.

Incident 2: I'm at college, and this girl comes to me and asks me what i'm listening to. She sees Jay-Z & Linkin Park - Dirt Off Your Shoulders/Lying From You on my ipod; and immediately shrieks something about how hip hop really isn't music, and how Linkin Park is for 'wannabes'. She then sees CCR on my ipod and goes: "Why can't you listen to some of the other stuff on your ipod? Like CCR. They're so good." I wasted about half an hour trying to justify myself to her. Didn't work. For the rest of my time at college, i'm now branded as 'that hip hop liker'.

In a way, i like talking to non-musicians about music, because they are very rarely biased when it comes to genres. I find that they can listen to disco, hip hop, heavy metal and even jazz; and appreciate all of them in their own way. They won't judge me if they see me listening to Jay-Z or Franz Ferdinand. Somewhere along the line, musicians lose this.

The point here is: The Bombay audience is NOT musically tolerant. I know people who judge me because i listen to punk rock, to hip hop, to funk, and even to pop. If i listen to punk rock, then i'm an amateur musician who can barely play anything, so i make do with simple songs. If i listen to pop, then i don't know shite about music anyway. If i listen to hip hop, then don't even consider me, because hip hop doesn't count as music. If i listen to progressive music, specifically progressive rock, then respect, because that shit is only meant for true listeners. Respect, even if i really 'donno shite'.

The music i listen to does not define the kind of person i am. The person i am dictates the kind of music i listen to; and i tell myself that i should be able to appreciate any kind of music.

PS: I could've researched and gotten all the necessary names; but then i decided not to on account of laziness and sleepiness.