Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Food & Its Awesomeness

People judge. That, in my opinion, is the basic rule of existence in this world. You're going to be judged by all that you do and don't do, intentionally or unintentionally. One simply cannot do an action in the presence of others, or one that they know of without being judged for it. This, i think, is the one of the cons of being given the ability to choose what we want. Of course, once you're judged, it's very hard to negate it's effect on the way people treat you/talk to and about you from then on. Hence, first impressions matter a great deal. Personally, i love judging people, much as i hate being judged myself. One of my favourite tactics is: Food.

I see people eat all the time. At my canteen, outside my house, in my house, in my friends houses, wherever i go. Hence, i can say with a good deal of confidence that i can know a person by the way they eat, what they eat, and most importantly, why they think that they eat the way they eat. I will go so far as to myself a food connoisseur, if you will. I place a great deal of (somewhat unnecessary) emphasis on food, and being a diehard foodie (fuck you, judge me all you want), i feel this is justified.

First, let me tell you about my habits. I have two clear demarkations which define how i eat on a particular day. My money status ie Lots Of Money or No Money. Let's look at No Money first: On college days, i wake up and head straight to college, most probably with nothing in my stomach apart from milk or badaam. Then, no food in college, apart from maybe some biscuits or a small vada paav. Then, the next meal will be at home (lunch). After that, i'll go wherever i have to go, and probably grab some more vada paavs at the station. Dinner at home, again, and then nothing till breakfast. Now, let's look at the Lots Of Money scenario. Wake up in the morning and run to the sandwich wala. Grab a quick sandwich as an excuse to get change for the cab ride to college. Then, in my break, i grab a pepsi/chole puri or whatever. After lectures are done, i'll probably have a tri cone outside college at Shree Sai. Maybe even another maaza, or puri bhaji/misal paav. Then, the cab ride home. Just before reaching home, i'll grab a nimbu paani. A small lunch (just for the name) at home. Then off to the chinese waala with whoever i can drag along for some triple chicken. Then, some respite for the stomach till evening, when i'll either have paratha or bread butter. Then again, a small dinner, and sleep. Sounds great, does it not? It really is.

You know, i really see no point in telling you how i judge you when i see you eat, seeing that you're judging me right now. Seeing that you've JUDGED me now. So, yet again, i haven't accomplished what i set out to accomplish, but i do feel satisfied. So, yet again, i won't fulfil the aim of the post.

I WILL, however, give you one small example of my judgement methods. If i hear someone say, "I eat my food slowly as i like to enjoy every morsel", then all my respect for them is gone. One cannot enjoy food by eating it slowly. The aim of eating is to fill the stomach, and enjoy yourself in the process, not the other way around. Why prolong torture? Fill the stomach fast, and after that is accomplished, enjoy the food all you want. If you can't enjoy food on a full stomach, then you can't really call yourself a food-appreciator.

Little known trivia: There exist in the stomach, two separate compartments, clearly demarcated for food. One, is the starters and main course compartment; and the other is a dessert compartment. The two function completely independently of each other. One can be empty and craving food, and the other can be painstakingly full. They do NOT share food. When one eats, one must take into consideration both compartment's needs.


Rachael Rajan said...

haha!! you pig!! very entertaining. binny will love this.

loy said...

link her! link everyone! spread the word! i want more views! aaaaaargh.

in my defence, i'll say this: "He likes the food".